A New Approach

The start of 2018 saw my relationship with my boy hit the lowest low. It culminated in my boy taking back his keys.

Despite both of us doing our best to try and save our relationship, we were doing things which weren't working. We were both so angry and resentful of each other, we couldn't find a way forward. Our lives had become miserable, with continual arguments, conflict and hate. I was incredibly unhappy.

However, despite the unhappiness I felt within our relationship, sat with the keys, I felt even worse. I knew that without my boy, I would be more miserable. I also knew that there had been a time when we had been happy, in the beginning.

After 3 hours with the keys, it was my bedtime. If I went through the night without the keys, I would never take them back, so I asked boy to bring them back for me. He did. He would not have brought them back without my asking. We would have ended that night.

I knew I wanted to keep my boy, and so I began to ponder a different approach to making us better.

We made written commitments to each other on the fundamental issues which upset each of us the most, and we started counting; 1 day - without conflict, to build up something positive. One day really was an achievement!

I had always thought that talking things through was the way to resolve issues, that communication was the answer, but for us, this very rarely worked. I knew that we were treating each other nastily, saying and doing things we never would have done when we were new. I talked to boy about this and made;

Mantra 1 - treat us as if we were new. 
We both practice this daily.

I have to take responsibility for making our relationship last, and to do this, I have to make some changes. That doesn't mean I have been wrong.

I have to accept, my boy does not have a submissive personality. We both often believe we are right in certain situations and we will argue our corner to the death of our relationship. So now, one of my techniques is just not to respond. I find it incredibly hard. But I have in my mind, argue to the death, or just leave it, and that makes it easier. It makes me sound like I am having to be submissive, and in some cases it does feel that way. I should always be right, my boy should accept that I am always right, and he should be the one who backs down. But right now, I am taking responsibility for saving us, and I am taking the lead. 

Mantra 2 - I am above you in every way.

I am teaching boy this new mantra. It is going to be a long, slow process, but I am going to aim to work on infiltrating him with this thought and belief. When I am unresponsive when we could potentially conflict, I know, I am above him as I can see the longer term picture, and this is the reason for my silence.

Mantra 3 - Help me be a better boy, Mistress.

Our relationship is not one which is going to happen naturally, where we are just happy and content. I have to accept that I will always have to work and put effort in to making us be at peace, to maintaining my dominance and his submission. 

This isn't what I expected for us, 5 years down the line, but I have cocklet, locked, and I have been able to be Mistress KeyHolder. 

I won't let go of this easily. We are on day 20 of a new approach. I hope it lasts a lifetime.

Reminders of his 's' position, in the D/s of us

My boy is an assertive, self-assured man in his daily life and holds a professional   role in his work. He is used to challenging, holding others to account, and taking the lead. This is his natural way, his personality fits well with this. 

He is also, now we are established as a couple, like this with me. I of course, challenge back, and we have clashes and disputes far too often. 

He needs taking down, not just a step, but an entire staircase.

I have devised some ways to remind him of his lowly position beneath me.

He has only had contact with my wearing his black, rubber, eyeless hood. The purpose of this is to remind him he is not worthy of viewing my beauty.

I have taken control of all his passwords again, after relinquishing them - the purpose of this is to show that all his actions are accountable to me.

Cocklet is not allowed entry into Mistress - this place is sacred for the next year, as a minimum standard - the purpose of this is to remind him he is less, and denied.

I am going to come up with 30 slave mantras. He is to recite each one on a daily basis, when he has a moment, through his day, and on waking and going to sleep he will text his daily mantra to me. The purpose of this is to remind him and keep him conscious of his slave position, and his place in our relationship.

I am D... he is s

This is our law.

Boy is Labelled for Life

I think it's about time I did an update here.

Most importantly, boy and I are still together. As my blog has documented, we have had, but also survived, some difficult times.

We still have conflict, differences, disagreements and issues, but on the whole we are strong and happy and we are getting better at resolving our problems.

What I am about to tell you, happened 15 months ago, but I didn't feel suitably placed to share the news then.

Now I do.

On 20th May, 2016,10am, I initiated my boy into permanently labelled status. He had always asked and wanted to be tattooed by me, but I waited until I felt we were strong enough for such a commitment to be made. 

It was perhaps a year or more later than boy would have liked, and ironically, we had our most severe fall out the month after this branding.

There are times he has wished it away. 

He has never really been proud of it to me, or glad of it. But I am incredibly proud of it, and pleased with it. It perhaps now means more to me than him. He feels trapped and hindered by it when we argue and our relationship is under threat.

But I love it.

I know you would like to see, a beautifully chastised, tattooed boy.

He didn't know what was going to be tattooed on him when I took him there. All he knew was where he was going. He didn't know my initials would be there. 

But you have to admit, it is a thing of beauty isn't it?

Dining with Goddess

The meal went well. He behaved and we had a lovely time.

On returning home though, it wasn't perfect, but it wasn't bad...we just had some minor difficulties..

I am awake, at 3am, thinking...

But my overriding feeling relates to the photo on my previous post. 

I'll show you again...

My god,... don't you just think this gimp is gorgeous?

his facelessness; the way he touched my feet; the way he was ready there waiting when I told him to be; the way he followed my lead on all fours; his body - I love his body, it's paleness, thinness, hairlessness (although I do need to remind him to maintain this to perfection); the smoothness of the rubber covering his head..
No matter how we struggle sometimes, this is what counts. 

This faceless gimp is all mine. He belongs to me. 

And best of all is the bit you don't see. The metal device is resting between his legs. 

It is real and is what I obsess about still now.

x

Ups and Downs

It has been a long time since I have updated this blog. I have been uninspired.

My boy and I have had some difficult times interspersed with some great times, but the overriding feel has been one of struggle.

The problem isn't our chastity. That is what holds us together when we are on the verge of relationship breakdown. Our difficulties arise from our vanilla relationship. We are so quarrelsome. 
Also, the crossover between kink and normal lives is difficult and puts a strain us regularly. Because we spend so much vanilla time together; with our families, children, and just together as a couple, it is hard maintaining the Domme/sub dynamic. My boy may make a slip up which I find insulting or just inappropriate, and I react negatively to it. Not in a Mistressy kind of way always, but in an unforgiving, "you should know better, and I expect better", way. That just makes the vanilla him angry with me and we begin a downward spiral which is very hard to get out of - being angry, blaming, sulking and getting more angry. Even with two committed, likeminded people, we have found keeping our relationship going almost impossible at times.

Today though, we have made some progress. I had been dwelling on our relationship troubles in the night. I began with the thoughts that I could no longer continue with my boy and would return his keys, then imagining the grief I would suffer, to imagining longer term life without my boy, finding this too painful to bear - far more painful than the conflict we were going through, to working through thoughts of forgiveness and trying to see a way forward.

We have spent the day together today working through things. Not dwelling on past wrongdoings, and not blaming. We managed to reach an intimate place of domination and submission with my squatting slightly over his mouth and gifting him with Mistress drink. It took us back to the place where we need to be. The place we both give each other but which can be lost so easily in daily life.

We are now on our way up from a very low down.

I love my boy. No-one else could fulfil me in quite the same way that he does. Please hope for us that he never does anything to jeopardise his Mistress.

Intense Teasing..

This has got to have been one of my most favourite times with my boy.

Simple, but so very, very intense.

I loved every second of it and felt completely involved and absorbed in what I was doing. I could have gone on for a very long time. This video shows in essence my obsession. It demonstrates it to you.

I want to share it with you.
I want to show you how desperate my boy is.
I want you all to see how sensitive his cocklet it..how it jumps and twitches and so very clearly needs more than what I give.

I'm sorry you don't get to see how the session unfolds...


http://www.4shared.com/video/BmOOe0rPce/00216000.html

Promotion for boy

You will know from my last post that my boy and I have our ups and downs, like any couple in any long term relationship - there are always little glitches.

The summer holidays prove to be a testing time for us as we have separate holidays and children mean that we spend 6 weeks with very minimal contact. Our communication is mainly by text and this often leads to misunderstandings and fallouts. This year was no different and we had some difficult moments.

   ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Our first meeting after the 6 weeks summer break was a mere 2 hours together, but we had privacy. My boy had been restrained in his device almost continually for those 6 weeks and I knew he was so looking forward to me going to meet him with the keys to give him some relief. He had been telling me how desperate he was, how he needed the cage off and to have some stimulation. He was so very desperate for some stimulation, and knowing it was coming, his texts showed me that he was very needy and excited for my visit with the keys.

I duly arrived with the keys. My boy's actions and facial expressions told me he was feeling very submissive and eager for his release. As we stood, kissing against the wall, I told him he was going to have a special treat today. 

(Cocklet in my mouth perhaps...lubed rubber hands sliding up and down cocklet's length perhaps...orgasm... ?) I could imagine him thinking these things....and he told me he wanted it to be a surprise. I took no notice of his request to maintain anticipation, and instead told him I would be removing the cage and allowing cocklet to become hard. 

A bit of an anti-climax for him, as he expected as much after so long imprisoned! I imangined he was thinking I was giving him just a taster of what was to come - the cage removed, and then...... fun for cocklet.

We went to the table which he had got out ready for me at my request. Rope and hitting implements were also laid out at my request.

After removing his device as promised, I instructed him to lay face down on the table, cocklet poking through the hole. I tied his hands behind his back, and then began to tell him of my new plans.

"I have decided I am going to start touching cocklet less from now on. Denying him orgasms doesn't seem to be having the desired affect any more" 

"Oh it IS Mistress, it really is."

"I have noticed a change in you since the cage has been on for longer over the holidays." (He had, towards the end of the holiday, been making noticeable efforts to please me and be good, knowing that our meeting was approaching and that his speculated stimulation was near, making sure he had earned his reward.)
"I like him so much more since I haven't been touching him."

"Oh no Mistress, not after all this time, please, he needs touching, please, no Mistress."

"Don't worry. It's ok. Shh... (his whimpering subdued only slightly), It's a promotion! It means you can be a better boy for me. It will give you much nicer feelings of frustration and submission. It will be lovely. It's a special thing. .. and ... do you know what...? You will actually thank me for doing this to you."

Cocklet throbbed and dripped through his hole in the table. He flicked and danced about  in sheer desperation for something, anything. Anything at all. 

It was a pure delight to watch and made me feel very loving towards my cocklet.

My boy, with his hands tied behind his back, cocklet out of reach but so incredibly desperate and sensitive and needy. Unable to reach beneath the table, only able to push against air. Into nothing. 

"I realise darling, that you need something. Some physical contact. But my hand will not be touching cocklet today. In fact, we will be reducing any touching at all that cocklet gets. But I will let him know that he has been out today. I will let him have some physical relief."

And so I proceeded with the implements left out for me. The slapper, the crop, the metal, beady cat-o'-ninetails. And I began first hurting his body. Then, I turned him over so cocklet was layed against his belly for me. And I let cocklet know he was out. I hurt him. Balls, cocklet - his length, head, topside, underside, left and right. I hurt him till I felt he was fully awakened, til every part of him had had some contact with my control.

Then I sat my boy up.

Cocklet rock hard, erect, desperate.

I layed on my front, my mouth close to cocklet, and I brought my boys hand round in front of him, almost close enough for him to touch.

And there, I layed, closed my eyes, and opened my mouth... (at last, a treat for cocklet?...) And I slid my wet lips down, down over his finger, which I held right up close next to cocklet. My boy watched intently, barely able to stifle the need for my lips on cocklet, but imagining.....if only. I tormented him in this way for quite some time...making him watch this torture.

Finally, untouched cocklet's time was up, and he went back into protection. 

Wasn't that a lovely treat my love? Just being hard now is going to be what you yearn for. Cocklet in my mouth, sexual relief, pushing into me, my hand wrapped around him... those things are gone now. Cocklet has been promoted to a new level of denial. 

He will now yearn only to be hard... if only he could be erect.

.....


"Thank-You, Mistress"

Worship...

Last week, my boy's work commitments meant that we were not able to see each other. He was having to leave very early and was arriving home very late. It was difficult for both of us as we were not able to be in our normal close contact by text either. By Thursday he was begging to see me...

So I gave 10 minutes of my time for my boy, and got myself to his house.

He really was missing me. He was like a little puppy dog excited to see his owner. Eager and giddy with excitement.

The week hadn't been made easier by the fact that we had been thinking a lot about rubber clothing. We were hoping to enter a photo competition and had planned a photoshoot day where I would dress up and my boy would be photographer. His ideas and thoughts around poses were not helping cocklet. 

"Mistress I was desperate before you came here.  Cocklet has been making things harder and harder.  He is aching (as are my balls).  He feels denied, lost, helpless and utterly hopeless.  There is no hope at all for him.  He is just purely your toy now.  That has been hitting me hard over the last few days especially.  Tonight... you didn't relieve that.  You didn't touch him or let him out even.  Instead... you made it harder for me.  Thank you."

We went straight upstairs and layed on the bed together. He needed to worship me. I knew. So, I pulled down my jeans and, on all fours, presented him with his place of worship. 

His eagerness and sense of desperation were very obvious. The speed with which he flung his mouth and tongue onto me. And I placed my hand behind his head, holding him there.

"I wanted to throw myself at you, give myself over purely to worship.  And just as I was thinking about this, you dropped your jeans and allowed me to do just that.  Your bottom felt amazing.... tasted fantastic - better than ever before.  Very much so.  I absolutely loved it and feel extremely privileged.  Thank you."

I loved his worship. It lead me to a place of pleasure. Devotion at this level is incredibly sexual....

"Your orgasm.... when I need one so badly... 3 months and 2 weeks since my accident.  8 months, 2 weeks and 5 days since my last proper orgasm.... I REALLY need one. Yet you took one at a whim.  My god.  I LOVED your orgasm Mistress.  Whilst all I could do was worship your body.  Your slave, so so frustrated and desperate, I felt I was just there to please you and to feed your orgasm.  To increase the thing that you denied me.  Mistress, giving up my orgasms is worth the pleasure derived from seeing and feeling you have yours.  Especially to know your orgasms are caused by my lack of them.  Thank you."

In return for his devotion, and my quickly having to leave, I wanted to give him a gift. I cleaned myself with them first, and then placed them under his pillow.

"Your knickers... what an unexpected and amazing gift!  You know that I shall be going to sleep tonight with them over my nose.  That I will be sniffing them in bed..  And grateful... truly truly grateful for what you gave me.  Thank you...

Finally, just to let you know some things....

Your body is the most amazing, beautiful and sexy body I have ever seen or touched.  I genuinely want to worship you with my entire being every time I see you unclothed.  Your bottom is SO delectable.  Your pussy... owns me...."

And so I left him..but we both felt replenished for having our few minutes together.

"Dear Mistress Keyholder,

I feel it is beholden on me to write you a formal thank you following your visit just now.

I feel utterly used, abused, overwhelmed and engulfed by you.

I think it is fitting that I write this thank you whilst on my knees - I am genuinely kneeling before the computer as I type.  I am doing that because I think it would please you and also because it feels like the proper position to write this letter from..."

Don't you just think my boy is becoming the most lovely slave? Isn't he everything I ever wanted, everything I ever spoke to you about in my early days of searching? He is becoming such a good boy....

Male chastity..

This is why it is my obsession. 

Increased Denial

He hasn't had a proper orgasm for over 7 months now, so it would seem his denial was pretty maxxed up, however, even with the extremity of long term denial it is easy, (if your heart isn't in it) to become disinterested in it and for the lock up to lose it's spark. 

Fortunately for my boy, I am VERY interested in it. So, rather than becoming routine and mundane, it has gained intensity and his denial had actually been increased.
I'm not talking about duration here, as the lock up has been long term anyway. His denial has been increased,ironically, by my enjoyment of it.

I used to let cocklet out and play with him, wank him, have sex with him and thoroughly make use of and enjoy him, without any orgasm happening of course. But this play in some way, even though not an orgasm, sated my boy's need to some extent.

Recently, I have discovered something else much more satisfying than enjoying him by physical contact. I am getting far more pleasure and fulfillment from not touching him. I have to say, it is simply the most divine thing imaginable!

I did this one week on our day spent together. I touched him everywhere except cocklet. His belly, balls, very base of cocklet. Nice soft touches, hard hurting touches, slapping, scratching pulling nipping touches, and then gentle strokes and kind touches. But nothing for cocklet. Not a thing.

He imagined I would eventually give in and stroke cocklet, as I usually do, just because I love him so much. But this particular day, I loved more the effects on my boy of not touching. His need and desperation were far more of a thrill and a pleasure to me, that in spite of wanting to touch cocklet, I resisted in favour of not doing.

I think my boy thought that the following week on our day together I would surely touch. But again, I followed the same procedure, allowing cocklet out of the cage to point and be denied only.

My boy has gone longer than a few weeks without being touched, but this teasing, the closeness of my fingers but still being denied, is far harder for him to bear than simply being locked away and forgotten about.

And by the time our third week and our third day spent together, I think he must have felt almost certain that this time cocklet would get touches.

But the truth is, I am so enjoying what it is doing to my boy, I can't ruin it, I just can't - I love his desperation too much. It is so impossibly hard for him. So difficult to bear. It makes him love me though and need me. He truly needs me. How can I take that away from him? I just can't.

We layed on the bed, with cocklet free but untouched, and watched some video clips..mainly breath play and bondagey things. It made me want the re-breather on him.

With one wrist handcuffed to the bed, and my weight laying on his other arm, the mask covering his nose and mouth, he began to breathe, and I closed the valve.

I held his head close to me, and spoke gently to him, and as I did, I began, with feahterlight fingers, to caress cocklet. . . 

We had the best, most intense, tender, loving experience of control and submission. It was very genuine and unhindered and also full on sexual.

I own my boy. 
We both know it,
and neither of us would have it any other way.

Cuckolding - Not..

It was dominant men who we directed our search at. Bulls. Men who were MEN, who would join me in humiliating my boy and who were well able and experienced to satisfy me.

As I chatted to the men who approached us though, I became more and more aware that this type of personality just clashed with mine. That we would and up battling, and by chance, a man with submissive tendencies began talking with me. I much preferred his style and the scenarios that I could envisage with having two subs, even if one was more sexually free than the other.

And so my search has become one for a second sub.

However, as this search has evolved, so have the end results. I have unfortunately been reminded of the frustrations of my original search for a chastity slave. I have wasted so much time building up a relationship only to have it ended just proir to meeting, for many and varied reasons. It is emotionally draining, frustrating, time consuming but more than anything, utterly disappointing.

Should I not just be happy that I have my boy? Of course I am, and I never lose sight of that. Without him I am not whole. However, this new advancement in our relationship is hopefully going to add something for all 3 involved.

I will not rush or be discouraged. Just as my boy existed for me, I also believe there is another boy who is made to be my second sub.

I will keep you informed.

boyfriend in chastity...?

Today he said to me that he was beginning to feel like a boyfriend in chastity, rather than a slave.

I had to agree with him to some extent. Life and the daily routines and busyness of everyday living had often come to over-ride our 'playtime' together, and as a result we were becoming very much a regular couple. He was losing sight of his place and I wasn't exercising my authority. It wasn't a good situation.

As I mulled his words over I became quite cross about it. The last thing he expected was for me to suddenly start dominating him as it would have been in response to his 'request'.

I went to our playroom and looked. An idea had suddenly presented itself in my head. I assessed whether it was feasible to do. I told him to get his collar out, some various lengths of rope, lube, hood, and a hitting implement. He hurriedly did as I asked, following me round, staying close.

I placed him away from me, looking away, and told him to undress and put on his hood as I didn't want to look at him. Then I put his collar round his neck. I slid a short length of rope through the D ring. Knocking the back of his knee, pulling down on his neck, signalling him to lower himself I led him to the end of the wrought iron bed. I tied the rope to the lowest bar on the bed making him crouch down on all fours. Taking his right hand I then tied this to the top of the bed frame, and then his right ankle, again to the top of the bed frame. He became unsteady, balancing on his left side with his head secured close to the floor.

I fetched the hitting implement. A black leather paddle and applied it to the sole of his foot, his toes, buttocks, legs. I commented how he looked like a dog, cocking it's leg, not a boyfriend at all. Just a dog. 
I held the lube bottle and allowed it to drizzle out onto him, and slipped the glass butt plug not quite in. Using my inserted a gloved finger, I pulled his hole up, down, left, right and then the butt plug easily went in.

I asked if he still felt like just my boyfriend? if course, he didn't.

Removing my glove, I then invaded his mouth. Three fingers pushed as far in as I could manage, making him gag, again and again. Holding his nose, choking and gagging him, making him out of breath.

I noticed he was becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the position I had put him in, adjusting himself to compensate strain. I asked, are you struggling? - Yes. I asked, do you think I'll untie you when you are really finding it difficult. He said, yes. He thought I wouldn't push him to manage the difficulty, but I replied. No, I wont.

So he remained there. Exposed. Spread apart. Blind. And I was quite enjoying it.

I noticed his foot stuck out at the end of the bed, held there with rope. I lifted my skirt and placed his toes against my knickers, and rubbed myself against him, looking at him in this bizarre predicament as I did so.

Eventually, I layed myself on the bed, but not before removing my knickers and throwing them on the floor for him to scramble around for, restrained.

An urge...

Sometimes I just have an urge...

I had been inspired by a photo from my prospective new man. 

I had an urge to suck cock... just to have it in my mouth. My mouth full.. completely penetrated..

I had been at work all day in my summer dress and black tights with black patent high heeled shoes.

I called in to see my boy and, laying upstairs on the bed, I asked him to fetch my handbag. He hurried off to do as I asked. I took his keys out of the zip pocket in my bag and threw them over to him. He didn't hesitate in getting cocklet out.
I rubbed my tired aching feet over his face. He held onto my smooth tight covered legs and pulled my feet close over his nose, breathing me in as I layed back and sucked on him...

It was delightful.

Urge satisified, cocklet back in his cage, boy very, very grateful.

Maybe....

I mentioned that my boy had pretty much been fruitless in his search for a man to join us in our cuckolding relationship. It is a big ask... Like with my boy, I'm very particular and only accept the best.

I have now instructed my boy to take the ads down...

I am in communication with a very nice, attractive young man though. It's very, very early days just yet, but you never know. It might just work.

..............................................................

 

This evening my boy accompanied me to the gym. I showed him a photo of my new man. I told him how young, fit and attractive his body is... How much I like him, and I made my boy sit and agree with me how nice he looked.

 

cocklet jumped around in his cage... I noticed.

 

I have my fingers crossed.

 

New name for cock..

Since my last post about the man I had noticed on my drive to work, my boy and I have been talking very much more seriously about the prospect of cuckolding. We have discussed it many times before but I had not felt ready to embark on it for real until our relationship was absolutely secure and established.

I did not want my boy feeling threatened by someone else in the sense that he risked losing me. I wanted him to understand that it would only serve to make his devotion and commitment to me even stronger.

My boy offered to search for an appropriate bull for me, and I accepted his offer, though was doubtful he'd find me anyone one who I deemed suitable.

I was pretty much right. The men who saw themselves as 'bull' were, in general, not the type of man that I wanted any association with. Just as when I was looking for my boy, I wanted someone quite unique.
As my boy sifted through the many applicants, we were of course sent photographs, displaying various shapes and sizes.......

Some were huge.

Looking at these, and then seeing my silver cage on poor boy made me see him differently. He was so very much smaller, babyish almost, and so I began referring to him as cocklet.

This is his new name.

cocklet.

Turning a Corner..

On my drive to work I passed a car. A white Merc. I was driving slowly round a corner and the car approached slowly too.

It was being driven by a man. He was maybe in his late 40's, tanned, immaculately groomed. He wore a crisp, white shirt which was brilliant against his tanned skin. He had grey flecks in his hair. Sophisticated. Intelligent. Well off. Successful.

I imagined somehow, that I got to meet this man. Allowing him to take me out. Getting to know him. He is who I would allow my boy to share me with. One day, my boy will have to share me.

Cock is spending increasing amounts of time locked away. He doesn't even get to come out and point very often now.

It may take years to find a suitable man, just as it took years to find my perfect slave. But I see this is the direction we are heading in.

Update - by my boy

Mistress has been extremely busy both with work and personal life in the last few months, meaning no time for updates here.  That's not to say that we haven't both been very active together...

I am still locked in chastity.  My keys are permanently held by Mistress Keyholder and I only ever come out of the cage at her whim.  I can't cheat or pull out because I have a prince albert piercing, which has a padlock securing my cock inside the tube of the cage.   My orgasms are infrequent and my Christmas present to her was a year with no orgasm.

Less than halfway through the year though.... and I must report I have had two orgasms.  Hard core chastity fanatics might feel let down at that, however shouldn't be.  Mistress Keyholder is as hard core as you can get and these orgasms were in fact HER choice,  not mine.  The year gift just gave her the freedom to make choices without any pressure from me.

I was all set and determined to last the year for Mistress Keyholder.  I had put the thought of orgasm out of my mind.  Well, as far as you can get when your cock is constantly teased and you are faced time and again with your Owner having orgasm after orgasm in front of you.  Her orgasms caused in fact by your denial.  I was going slowly mad with it, frustrated, desperate and without hope. But then Mistress decided it was time for an orgasm.  We discussed it carefully.  She explained to me that she wasn't throwing my gift back at me, but that the gift merely removed the pressure from her.  She wanted me to have an orgasm.  We discussed it and she planned it to be as frustrating as possible.  It turned out to be one of the most loving, intimate and frustrating experiences I have ever had. Laid naked next to Mistress, her hand on cock.  Suckling, her nipple pushed into my mouth and her breast pushed against my face.  Her soft skin touching me.  Mistress's hand touching my cock.   Lightly.So very, very lightly.Slowly she stroked.  Not urging me towards orgasm at all.  Just slowly slowly slowly teasing cock.  It had been so long since my last orgasm, I was SO desperate.  Yet Mistress managed to drag it out for what seemed an age, just torturing cock with the gentlest of touches.  Each time I became worked up, Mistress just shushed me back down.  Telling me to be quiet.  A good boy.  Just to relax and take it.  Sucking softly on her nipple. When the rush overcame me, she did not speed up her pace.  She kept the touch light and gentle, dragging out the orgasm into a quiet and soft rush that took me over and was gradually forced from me, rather than being allowed to arch my back and explode it out with an assertive thrust.  I felt so close to her, so denied even during my orgasm.  So intimate, loving.   The most frustrating, yet amazing experience ever. It was 5 months and 3 days since my last orgasm.  Not quite a year, but the longest I have ever been. I'm going to try and do some more blog entries on behalf of Mistress in the next week or so.  There is lots to tell - Mistress giving me her nasty, nettles, purposeful jealousy with 'special feelings' and a gradual increase in my overall denial despite the orgasms...  I might even mention teamviewer, cubby holes and other ideas floating round our heads. Nothing has changed - I am still in love with my Queen.  Only deeper and deeper all the time.  She is the yin to my yan and I am so grateful that she chose me to be her chastity slave. I am Mistress Keyholder's lucky boy.  

useless cock - true story

'It's getting smaller' she observed as her fingers danced along his swollen cock.

'It must be all this time locked up, it's making it smaller.  It's becoming so tiny.'

Fear gripped his belly even as his cock became yet more rigid at her humiliating words.

'Then don't keep it locked up Mistress - let it have some time out of the cage for a while'

He was terrified of his cock becoming useless to her. Terrified of it being put to one side, left untouched in favour of her rubber surrogate cock or even worse, that of another man. 

He knew though that she would never take up his suggestion.  The fact of his cock being locked away was the very basis of their relationship.  The one reason she needed him.

She replied, 'No. Perhaps I'll just keep him locked away all the time.  If he's too small for me then there's no need for him to come out.'

His belly churned deeper into fear.

Today was a special day though.

Today she allowed him to be inside her.  Allowed him to feel the ecstasy of making love with the woman that ruled his whole life.

If only it wasn't so difficult...

Trying, trying so hard to push cock into her.  Trying to ignore the feel of her smooth skin against his.  Not to be affected by her the allure of her pixie like features, her sensual body - petite, yet still managing to be deliciously curvy in all the places that draw a man's eye..  Trying to control himself as he felt the heat of her pussy gripping his cock relentlessly.

Pushing in a little bit... pushing... please please don't move... a little more... stop.  Withdraw. Head of cock against her wetness.  Pushing in again... eyes closed.  Panting. Panting.  Please.... Her fingers pulling at him, urging him inside.... cock pulsing... right on the edge... stop... pant... pant... try to control himself... her hips rocking.. my god... please.....

A week since cock was out of the cage.  Since any stimulation whatsoever.  Prior to that, three weeks of cock lock-down.  Yet now she expected him to fuck her.  And he just couldn't do it.  Cock was just too too sensitive.

His mind awash with the certain knowledge that if he couldn't satisfy her, she would find another man who could, he tried so hard to press his cock into her.  Knowing that she would find that man and make him watch. Show him what he couldn't achieve.  He tried to back away from the edge of orgasm.

Eventually, he managed to push cock all the way inside her.  Maybe 10 minutes of trying before he achieved even this.  Slowly gaining control of himself enough to give a couple of little thrusts.  Before suddenly having to pull out of her on the very edge of an explosion.  How useless he felt.  How useless his cock had become to a woman.  And she had purposefully made him this way. 

This was the effect of 4 months, 1 week and 3 days without an orgasm.  Of repeated lengthy cock lock downs, until his cock was so sensitive he could explode almost from just the wrong thought passing through his mind.

As he slowly gained control... and she orgasmed.... again and again... he became increasingly maddened by his own lack of orgasm.

It was so so so long since he had one.  The need was there constantly.  And here she was, having orgasms like they were confetti.  His need.  His extreme need.  He needed an orgasm.  He NEEDED one.  He couldn't take this anymore.  He couldn't go any longer without one.  Cock was on the edge of orgasm constantly.  He was holding it at bay by sheer force of will, but he couldn't cope any more.  He had reached his limit.

Four months was enough.  Four months was too much.  He became despondent. Hopeless in his arousal.  There was no hope for him.  Her orgasms were caused by and heightened by his suffering - this somehow made it worse.  He had no hope. But he couldn't continue.  He felt such an aching sense of loss.  The loss of his orgasm.

Lost in this desperation, utterly lost, he began to beg.

Quietly at first.

'Please Mistress. Please. I can't take any more now. It's been too long.  Please allow me an orgasm'

His loss and desperation mounting even further as she just continued to ride him, by now she was on top, her full, round breasts right in front of his eyes.

More urgently...

'Please please please please...'

Yet she continued to ignore him.  And ignore him.  Just using cock.

Until his pleas became sobs.  Until he was writhing in desperate agony.  Unable to cope. Yet unable to stop.  Urgent begging. Loud and insistent.  Sobbing and pathetic.

He couldn't take any more.  He truly couldn't. He just wanted, NEEDED this constant frustration to stop.

Just as he was at his peak, just as he felt the most lost, she began to soothe him.  Like a mother soothing her child, her hand stroked his face.  

Brushed back his hair.

Gentle.

Soft.

Quietly cooing to him.

'It's ok my love. It's ok.'

'But it's so hard Mistress'

'Shhhh.  I know.  I know.'

He felt her care, felt her love as she stroked and soothed him.  Telling him how well he was doing.  Telling him it was alright.  

But not for one instant did she stop.

Not for a second did she allow that desperation to recede.

Instead she heightened it.

Her lips close to his ear...

'Can you feel how wet I am?'

He lay still, trying desperately to maintain his control on cock.

'Can you feel the wetness sliding all over cock?'

Indeed he could.  She was sopping and hot.  He knew it was because of his suffering.

'It's alright. Shhhhhhhh.  It's alright.'

As she slowly tormented him with her tight wetness.

And so she continued.  Riding.  Soothing.  Cock was not just desperate, he was actually in pain.  A huge ache all along the underside.  An ache that she just enhanced and increased with her every move.  All the while soothing and encouraging him.

Never before had he felt such desperation.  Not in all the time he had served her.  Never had it ached and hurt so much.  Yet now he felt at peace.  Close. Intimate.  She allowed him to suffer.  Helped him to give himself even deeper to her.  And he adored her for it.  His desperation became not something to escape, but something to embrace. Allowing it to fill him. Embracing the ache and taking it all for her.  

His closeness to her, his submission to her, never felt so vivid as this.  

This was why he was hers so completely.

Because she loved his suffering so much. Because she allowed it to happen.

She was his Goddess and he loved her with all his heart.

But the most wonderful thing about this story, certainly from my perspective, is that every word is true.  Every word describing what Mistress Keyholder did to me today.  I am the luckiest boy in the world and am SO grateful for her.

Mistress - thank you for my suffering.  Thank you for allowing it.  Thank you so very much for such a wonderful day. I love you. xxx