Showing posts with label Second search. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Second search. Show all posts

Sunday 5 November 2023

Waiting for My New Boy.

It is just over two years now that I have been single and coming up to my third Christmas.

In some respects it seems like a lifetime, in others, barely the blink of an eye. 

One thing that is blatantly clear to me, (I knew before it even happened), is that I detest being single. It is a painful, terrible place for me and something that I have not had to suffer in my adult life before but I can't accept anything less than what my soul truly needs.

I have had vanilla dates and kink dates this year. Nothing is really working for me.

It is because I desire one specific thing. A man who CRAVES to have his cock locked away by me and wants to fall into the depths of all that entails. He wants it so badly he is ready when he approaches me. He has the cage, he knows as much about it as I do and he needs me just as badly as I need him.

He has a beautiful, shiny metal cage and a piercing to secure it in place. He has been looking for me for as long as I have been looking for him.

He has to exist.

Just as I was KH_inmyDreams, searching more than a decade ago, here I am on that arduous journey yet again, in need of the one man who can give me what I need, who feels like 'home' when I am with him, and through the interdependence of strict chastity control brings the binding of a web-like thread around us.

He has fantasised about it from being a boy, I am sure and his attempts to fit in to a vanilla relationship have just left him empty and unfulfilled.

He doesn't just crave chastity. He craves to submit to the will of the woman he is controlled by, to be controlled in all respects. He is willing to give up everything for me. In giving eveything up, he gains more. He gains the absolute bliss of being held by the woman of his dreams. Knowing that she is iron, and when he melts at her feet she will pick him up, with the tip of her finger, and dangle him wherever she pleases.

He will be bound, sensory deprived, suffocated with her control to a place where his belly becomes queasy and heavy and he just submits to whatever she says, to whatever she does. She could take his last breath and he would give it.

All with him dangling from her finger tip.

My finger tip is waiting for its victim. I am waiting to prod and tease and whisper and adore..

the man who presents himself to me for complete ownership.

I remain, 

Mistress KeyHolder.


Tuesday 24 January 2023

Expect the Unexpected

If you read what I am about to tell you in a fictional story, you'd say, 'that would never happen in real life', but this IS real life and this story really has happened...

I mentioned in my last post that I'm actively looking now for a partner. I look on fetish sites but I also occasionally glance at vanilla dating sites and swipe left to decline a few men. 

I took it upon myself to visit my least frequently visited vanilla site and swiped a few left, but one right. One, yes. I very rarely get a match, but this one was. I never bother to message first. I just can't be bothered, but within a few minutes I'd got a lovely message from the man. I say man, he was 30, attractive, athletic, tall, smooth. Just my type. I replied and a conversational exchange began. Men usually just don't know how to communicate. The conversation is boring or stilted or both, but this man chatted freely and was interested and interesting. I liked him. I checked where he was based. Yorkshire. A Yorkshireman. Bonus! No wonder we got along. We had a lot of common interests, cycling, walking and he had a job and a car. Surely something would go wrong...

As we chatted I asked whereabouts he lived. He said the name of my town, but spelt it incorrectly. This immediately raised my suspicions. You know how to spell the name of your town! I challenged him. He said he'd newly moved here and had just written it quickly. Easy error I thought. As we became more acquainted I asked which street he lived on. He said the name of my street, but again spelt it incorrectly! This was not sounding good. Red flags were waving. I again challenged, and he said he'd just done it quickly and it had autocorrected. I didn't let on that I also lived on this street, but I told him it was familiar to me and that I knew everyone on it. He was not a resident, I was almost certain. There was only one possible house he could live in, and that was a property which was rented out, but I was sure someone was living there and that it hadn't changed hands. The rental property is directly opposite my house.

I asked him which number he lived at, and he said he wasn't telling. I thought that was fair enough. By this time I was sure he was a fraudster. He had somehow done a check on me and found out some of my personal information including where I lived. It was a little disconcerting. I imagined he was not local and had just done some research on me, so I asked him to tell me something about the street. He told me the housing type - easily found out on Google maps. So we chatted a bit more. He asked my location again. No way was I going to tell him!

As the conversation progressed I think he could tell I now didn't believe a word he was saying, so to try to convince me, he said he'd tell me the number of his home. He said the number of the rental property directly opposite my house! Now I was spooked. He must really have done some detailed research before starting this conversation. I looked out of my window at the house. It was quiet. Nothing out of the ordinary happening. I decided to end the conversation but not delete him just yet. I said goodnight as it was late.

I mentioned to my daughter, guess what, I've just been talking to some faker who claims he lives over the road! We both laughed.

The next morning I got up early and looked out of my window. At that precise moment the door on the rental property over the road opened and a man walked out. It was someone who I hadn't seen there before and as he turned round I saw it was the man I'd been speaking to the night before. OMG! How could this have happened? I've never spoken to anyone within a ten mile radius of my home before, let alone someone within a 5 meter radius. This was just so unreal. 

I text him quickly and said, you were telling the truth weren't you? He replied, do you have spies out? I said no, I live directly opposite you and he looked up and saw me looking out at him. Unbelievable... but it gets better...

The next few days we chatted over text more and more and as always with me, I can't help but bring fetish into the conversation, gently, but I bring it in, just to test the water. He wasn't phased at all, in fact, he said he had experience. Of what, I enquired? 

He began to relate a story to me, where he had been chatting to a couple in his cycling club. They were older. The wife left the conversation and he was chatting with the husband, He mentioned that his wife liked him, with an intimation at a sexual element. He said he liked her too. With that, the husband asked if he would be interested in having sex with her while he watched. To reduce the story, he did. 

So you know what cuckolding is? I have not asked this question often as it always gets a negative and then a ghosting, but this man said, yeah course!

This was just too good to be true. The next weekend saw me at his rental home with a bottle of wine. By the end of the evening the wine bottle was empty and we had discussed every corner of kink. Our hands and lips were, after glass 2, not off each other...

We have had so many ideas about what we'd like to do. He knows about my OnlyFans and is more than delighted to be my camera man. 

I spent so long trying to find a bull who I could connect with while I was with Daddy. We managed some fleeting moments but it never quite felt right for me. I always said, it'll happen, just give it time. It has now happened. Can you imagine just how convenient this would have been, popping oner the road for Daddy's humiliation time, Princess wants some some fun, lets pop over the road... why was the timing of this just off...? I will never know.

So after 9 years having a cuckold partner and no bull, I now have the bull and no cuckold partner! This is known as, Sod's Law. 

I now search for a cuckold rubber chastity gimp who wants to be broken and humiliated by two wonderful, confident people. 

In my life I just never know what is going to happen next!



Sunday 1 January 2023

2023 - A New Me

It is nine and a half months since I heard from Daddy. In that time, even though I knew he had another partner I still hoped, and really expected, that he'd come back to me. He always has done. He had always needed me more.

While I had been hopeful of finding a new partner in the back of my mind I expected Daddy to return, so it wasn't really urgent for me to look and in truth I never thought I'd find anyone to compare with him.

I have reflected a lot over the past few days. Daddy clearly found a Mistress who he thought was better than me. If he can find someone better than me (better than perfection), then I can certainly find someone better than him. A man like him but who can be honest and loyal as well.

It may take me a long time to find him, but I have made the resolution for 2023 to actively search for a new submissive to be my lifetime partner and live under my rule. There has been an important change in my mind. I now believe he exists, and if he exists there is the chance that he will find me. 

I need to be active and 'out there' though. I can't just sit and expect him to magically know where I am and that I'm looking. So I am putting adverts out and getting word out there with new enthusiasm. If you know of a good place for me to put an advert, please let me know.

What changed me? I saw a photo on Twitter, (which I can't re-find to share with you I'm afraid), of a rubber gimp on his knees with his arms wrapped around the thighs of his Mistress. It was so beautiful an image. There is absolutely no reason why I can't find that again.

I am la creme de la creme in the world of chastity key holding and there will be a man who needs me and can be the submissive I so desperately need. A vanilla man is never going to excite me in the way a man wearing chastity does.

So, the search begins in earnest. 

I need - chastity obsessed, tall, fit, preferably hairless and able to relocate. I add to this list, honest. I will not accept another liar.

I look forward to hearing from you (Twitter DM or email me) and one day writing here that I have found my dream... 

I am and always will be, Mistress Keyholder.

Tuesday 21 April 2020

A Horrible Cycle

After boy left me in October last year, he came back. I wasn't ever going to give up hope that one day he would. I was prepared to wait for the rest of forever for him.

But, I think most break-ups go through the same process. Break-up, try again, finish. Sometimes there may be another try again... 

I had 14 weeks with boy back in my life, and it felt SO nice. So very, very nice. He put so much effort into us and I felt so loved and special. It was perfect. We went out to events and did all the things we had always talked about. We were living the dream.

But eventually, the things he had done to me previously, which we hadn't really discussed, began to eat me up. The jealousy and anger and feelings of betrayal grew in me, until one day, I blew them all out. Boy had similar feelings of anger at the things I had done to him. At the end of the evening, we were separate again.

It has been just over a month since he went.

I have tried to get him back. 

I have been in an unbearable place, but boy has given up on us. I don't believe he has any more to give me. 

Trying to live with needing him is too hard. I have come to reliase the only way I can try and get through this is to try and block thoughts of him, forget, and to recognise that he doesn't want me any more.
I have removed things from my sight, my memories which I held so dear. I try so hard to avoid seeing him becasue we live so close, but by the strangest quirks of fate, most times I leave my house I see him. I have no idea why, how.. and it hurts me so much to see that he still exists and is apart from me. My boy, that was.

I have to admit, that this break up, this time, was my fault entirely. It really was. But last time, it was his fault entirely. 

I find it hard to comprehend why two people so well matched just couldn't sychronise and make a relationship work. We had everything going for us, but between us, we destroyed it all.

I can't do anything now. I can't keep trying. There is no point. He tried, I tried. Why couldn't we both try in harmony?

I am just me. On my own. I have lost my spark. I have lost what makes me glow. I have lost my love.

Today it would have been a special day for us. It is one year until we had planned to retire together and live all the things we had planned for the past 7 years.

Now I look into my future and it is empty. 


Monday 2 December 2019

Reflecting, and Learning.

Talking to friends recently has made me think about my relationship with boy.

I've been made aware of things about him which I didn't appreciate or notice, qualities in him which I saw past and took for granted...

He never looked at other women when we were together. His eye never wandered and I never felt threatened by his lack of interest in me. I noticed this from our very first meeting, and it never changed. His eye was always on me.

This, and lots of other things were special about him.

One friend told me, "you can't get him back now, he's gone and you can't do anything about it, but you can learn from it and make your next relationship better as a result." I thought these were wise words and that I would act on them.

My friend said, even though I rated my relationship 9 out of 10, boy clearly didn't or he wouldn't have gone. So what was it that was going wrong that I could have done better?

I pondered on this and it was a really significant question. I had thought that I hadn't done anything wrong, but actually I had. There were many things, and this was an upsetting process to go through - admitting fault.

I don't think correcting any of these faults would have stopped the break up, but they will help me be a better Mistress to my next boy, and so I did this process to improve myself. It doesn't take away from the fact that boy also did things wrong - we both did, but I can only be accountable for myself.

I said to my friend, he should have told me he was unhappy - my friend said, no, you should have sensed he was unhappy. I need to be more attuned and responsive to the needs and feelings of my new boy.

I didn't keep a tidy house at all. It wasn't a pleasant place to be. While we could have done something about this together, I could have been more instrumental in initiating change. I have taken heed of this and have started a house overhaul. Bags have been going in the bin and to the charity shop and I will create a haven for my next boy to come home to. Together we will keep it tidy.

Boy was actually a good boy. I never made him feel this way. I always found fault and picked at the smallest inadequacy. It made him feel misterable instead of celebrated. I did often tell him he looked nice though. 

There are other things, but these are some of the main ones. 

This refection makes it sound like I was all to blame, and a bad person. I don't feel that way at all. I equally did a lot of nice things, but I could have been nicer. 

This is how I can develop as a person.
I also want to develop my fetish play. I want to become more skilled in hypnosis and medical play, and I now have contacts and friendships where I can perhaps learn to perfect and develop these skills. 

I want to be the Mistress to die for. 

This is the path I carve for myself. 

I am and always will be, the ever evolving, Mistress Keyholder.










Sunday 1 December 2019

So, I Start Again

I have no alternative other than to start again. 

Painful as it is to see a daunting void around me and ahead of me, I have to start again. All other doors have been closed to me, and my only way to walk is forward.


It took 7 years for boy to find me. It may be another long 7 years before my final partner for life finds me, but it might happen tomorrow. From day to day we don't know what life will bring. Only one hour before boy left me we had happily been watching a film together. One hour later, BANG! My world is completely changed.


I feel grateful that I know what I need in a partner. I also know that I DO need a partner. I know there has to be a fetish element as a minimum. I would just be kidding myself and wasting time on a 'short term fix' if I were to enter into a vanilla relationship. It would be easy to do it, to relieve the agony of the void, but would only serve to waste my time in finding my true love.


So my search has begun in earnest. I am going to attend every event I can, to make myself known to boys who are seeking their perfect Goddess, and in this process I am making new friends, finding out about new venues and developing my fetish knowledge. I'm building a photographic portfolio of Mistress KeyHolder also. It is a vibrant new chapter for me which I am certain will open new doors. 


I AM Mistres KeyHolder! I am her! This is really quite WOW! 


Someone said this of me;


"You are a strong, intelligent, beautiful woman. You can find yourself gratification in any place you want. You can make boys walk on all fours behind you, just because of your beauty, and can make their hearts melt with a single wink!"


I am also intensely loyal and loving and knowledgeable in my field. I am a rare find. I do know this. So I will seek a boy who can return what I give.


I already have a persona which I have invested over 15 years in. I am very proud of who I am and what I stand for. I am proud of the way I can command a room when I walk in. I am proud to be part of a community of the most friendly, lovely people with whom to mix and develop myself and my new boy when he comes to me. I believe I have skills, but I know I can learn so much more by collaborating with the people who I've already met and will meet in the future.


I don't know how long it will take, but I do know that one day in the future, I will show a photo of my hand over my new boy's hand. That will be how I start a post to tell you I have somone new.


I am excited for that day.


Mistress Keyholder is your dream woman, and I will choose carefully the boy who gets her. If your hand appears under mine in a photo on my blog, you are going to be one VERY lucky boy!