Wednesday, 4 April 2018

A New Approach

The start of 2018 saw my relationship with my boy hit the lowest low. It culminated in my boy taking back his keys.

Despite both of us doing our best to try and save our relationship, we were doing things which weren't working. We were both so angry and resentful of each other, we couldn't find a way forward. Our lives had become miserable, with continual arguments, conflict and hate. I was incredibly unhappy.

However, despite the unhappiness I felt within our relationship, sat with the keys, I felt even worse. I knew that without my boy, I would be more miserable. I also knew that there had been a time when we had been happy, in the beginning.

After 3 hours with the keys, it was my bedtime. If I went through the night without the keys, I would never take them back, so I asked boy to bring them back for me. He did. He would not have brought them back without my asking. We would have ended that night.

I knew I wanted to keep my boy, and so I began to ponder a different approach to making us better.

We made written commitments to each other on the fundamental issues which upset each of us the most, and we started counting; 1 day - without conflict, to build up something positive. One day really was an achievement!

I had always thought that talking things through was the way to resolve issues, that communication was the answer, but for us, this very rarely worked. I knew that we were treating each other nastily, saying and doing things we never would have done when we were new. I talked to boy about this and made;

Mantra 1 - treat us as if we were new. 
We both practice this daily.

I have to take responsibility for making our relationship last, and to do this, I have to make some changes. That doesn't mean I have been wrong.

I have to accept, my boy does not have a submissive personality. We both often believe we are right in certain situations and we will argue our corner to the death of our relationship. So now, one of my techniques is just not to respond. I find it incredibly hard. But I have in my mind, argue to the death, or just leave it, and that makes it easier. It makes me sound like I am having to be submissive, and in some cases it does feel that way. I should always be right, my boy should accept that I am always right, and he should be the one who backs down. But right now, I am taking responsibility for saving us, and I am taking the lead. 

Mantra 2 - I am above you in every way.

I am teaching boy this new mantra. It is going to be a long, slow process, but I am going to aim to work on infiltrating him with this thought and belief. When I am unresponsive when we could potentially conflict, I know, I am above him as I can see the longer term picture, and this is the reason for my silence.

Mantra 3 - Help me be a better boy, Mistress.

Our relationship is not one which is going to happen naturally, where we are just happy and content. I have to accept that I will always have to work and put effort in to making us be at peace, to maintaining my dominance and his submission. 

This isn't what I expected for us, 5 years down the line, but I have cocklet, locked, and I have been able to be Mistress KeyHolder. 

I won't let go of this easily. We are on day 20 of a new approach. I hope it lasts a lifetime.

Saturday, 10 March 2018

A Little Tease...

I am planning to start a clips for sale site, and thought I'd start with a little taster of things to come.

Enjoy this one for free by clicking the text (not the pic).                                                      

Wednesday, 24 January 2018

Reminders of his 's' position, in the D/s of us

My boy is an assertive, self-assured man in his daily life and holds a professional   role in his work. He is used to challenging, holding others to account, and taking the lead. This is his natural way, his personality fits well with this. 

He is also, now we are established as a couple, like this with me. I of course, challenge back, and we have clashes and disputes far too often. 

He needs taking down, not just a step, but an entire staircase.

I have devised some ways to remind him of his lowly position beneath me.

He has only had contact with my wearing his black, rubber, eyeless hood. The purpose of this is to remind him he is not worthy of viewing my beauty.

I have taken control of all his passwords again, after relinquishing them - the purpose of this is to show that all his actions are accountable to me.

Cocklet is not allowed entry into Mistress - this place is sacred for the next year, as a minimum standard - the purpose of this is to remind him he is less, and denied.

I am going to come up with 30 slave mantras. He is to recite each one on a daily basis, when he has a moment, through his day, and on waking and going to sleep he will text his daily mantra to me. The purpose of this is to remind him and keep him conscious of his slave position, and his place in our relationship.

I am D... he is s

This is our law.

Thursday, 28 September 2017

So Difficult It Hurts..

Difficult.. I truly am a difficult woman. 

I'm not especially proud of it, but I am very aware of it. It's who I am and what makes me different to everyone else, and although I find it difficult myself some of the time, I really wouldn't change it.

Difficult - in what way?

I am demanding. I mean..DEMANDING! If you are my boy, you need to be there, obsessing about me every minute, every second, every day. And if it wanes over time, I am not understanding. As I see it, my standards have not been met and you are failing me. You are not quite good enough, not quite attentive enough, not quite what I want. Texting is a contact I expect with unending devotion. 1 year on, 5 years on, I expect exactly the same, in fact, I expect it intensified, and if it is not, I am disappointed.

Who could maintain such an exhaustive schedule?

Openness. I expect it as af you had been cut with a blade down the front of your torso and opened apart. Fully and completely exposed so there is nothing, not even your blood and guts to hide from me. And you even make that incision. You are so desperate to show yourself to me, you tear yourself apart and say, "Gorge your beautiful eyes upon my entire being Mistress KeyHolder. Feast yourself on my soul and I will remain as open to you in a year as I present to you today."

Who would cut themselves to the core for me?

Service. Service is a duty which I expect to be continually offered to me until it almost becomes a nuisance. Service in the form of doing everything possible, going out of your way, exerting yourself when you really don't want to, just to please me. Being hungry for it and continually seeking ways to better serve my needs, make another moment in my life happier. 

Who would offer such slavery?

There isn't such a man.

But, part of me knows, if there is me who desires such, there is the opposing half who desires to give it.

I know there is such a man and I know I need him.

Saturday, 26 August 2017

Boy is Labelled for Life

I think it's about time I did an update here.

Most importantly, boy and I are still together. As my blog has documented, we have had, but also survived, some difficult times.

We still have conflict, differences, disagreements and issues, but on the whole we are strong and happy and we are getting better at resolving our problems.

What I am about to tell you, happened 15 months ago, but I didn't feel suitably placed to share the news then.

Now I do.

On 20th May, 2016,10am, I initiated my boy into permanently labelled status. He had always asked and wanted to be tattooed by me, but I waited until I felt we were strong enough for such a commitment to be made. 

It was perhaps a year or more later than boy would have liked, and ironically, we had our most severe fall out the month after this branding.

There are times he has wished it away. 

He has never really been proud of it to me, or glad of it. But I am incredibly proud of it, and pleased with it. It perhaps now means more to me than him. He feels trapped and hindered by it when we argue and our relationship is under threat.

But I love it.

I know you would like to see, a beautifully chastised, tattooed boy.

He didn't know what was going to be tattooed on him when I took him there. All he knew was where he was going. He didn't know my initials would be there. 

But you have to admit, it is a thing of beauty isn't it?

Friday, 26 August 2016

Thursday, 25 August 2016

Dining with Goddess

The meal went well. He behaved and we had a lovely time.

On returning home though, it wasn't perfect, but it wasn't bad...we just had some minor difficulties..

I am awake, at 3am, thinking...

But my overriding feeling relates to the photo on my previous post. 

I'll show you again...

My god,... don't you just think this gimp is gorgeous?

his facelessness; the way he touched my feet; the way he was ready there waiting when I told him to be; the way he followed my lead on all fours; his body - I love his body, it's paleness, thinness, hairlessness (although I do need to remind him to maintain this to perfection); the smoothness of the rubber covering his head..
No matter how we struggle sometimes, this is what counts. 

This faceless gimp is all mine. He belongs to me. 

And best of all is the bit you don't see. The metal device is resting between his legs. 

It is real and is what I obsess about still now.