my gorgeous boy

I see gorgeousness in my boy.. 

gorgeousness that widens my eyes, melts my tummy, and binds me to him..

I see it in his work uniform, in his professional status - that this man, who is highly regarded by society, wants to be under my rule...
I see it in his muscles - that he works and trains hard to be at the peak of physical fitness for my pleasure.
I see it in the shiny metal casing locked onto his cock - that he wants me to control his sexual pleasure, to 
allow or not to allow at my whim.
I see it in the way the rope hold him tight and defenseless while I focus my attention on teasing him and controlling his breathing..
I see it in the way he drops to his knees when I arrive through the door..
I see it in the way he pathetically begs for an orgasm, and is comforted when I refuse.
I see it in the way he so neatly irons my laundry and folds it precisely as I prescribe.
I see it over and over in his devotion to me..
he is so very gorgeous.

But, do you understand, this it has nothing to do with uniform, or muscles or ironing?
It has to do with the intention and emotion and commitment underlying all of that.

His devotion to me is what I find so attractive... and the more he falls under my spell, the more attracted I become.

Misbehaviour - Written by my boy.

Life constantly presents us with conflict and differences of opinion.  How do you deal with that when you are in a Domme/sub relationship?  It's very easy to say, 'just submit' - do what you're supposed to do.  But what about when you feel very strongly that you are being wronged?

I am doing my very best to be the perfect slave for my Goddess.  However I am currently less than perfect.  Recently, I had such a conflict with Mistress Keyholder. 

It ended when I collected her after she had had a night out and we returned to my house.

Mistress was dressed immaculately, the vision of loveliness in her dress, sheer tights and high heels.  The new sparkly shoes that she was so pleased with.

She pulled down my trousers partway, exposing cock in his cage. Already swollen in her presence.  She held him and leaned in close to me. Her perfume alluring, her nearness making my heart race.

"Would you like me to let him out?" she murmured as her fingers played with the steel cage.

"Would you like me to play with him?"

"Yes please Mistress!!!" my excitement was obvious.

"Oh please, please, please!!!"

Her face suddenly changed though and her voice took on a stern tone.

"If you think I will let cock out after your behaviour, you really don't know me at all."

She then pulled me to the floor. Laid me on my back.  Stood over me.

I was laid there, half undressed and feeling rather pathetic, whilst she stood looking down at me.

She had on her face a look of utter disdain.  She was the vision of beauty and elegance and just looked at me like I was a worm.

Back when I was free to masturbate (and did so all the time) years ago I used to look at a site which featured beautiful dominatrixes looking down at the camera.

Mistress Keyholder looked exactly like they did.  With one exception.  This was real life.  Mistress Keyholder is REAL, not a fantasy.
 

She took her spangly shoe covered foot and placed it on my balls. Pressed on them.  Then began to tap cock in his cage.  Lightly tapping on him with her shoe.  Kicking him from side to side.  Standing on me.  Pressing her heels into my skin.

Standing over my head I could see up her dress as she scraped her shoe along my chest.  The sheerness of her tights. The darkness where they met her knickers and I could not quite see.

Lecturing me in a stern tone she resumed kicking cock. Her cock, locked away in his steel cage.  Berating me for my behaviour.  Making me feel pathetic, unworthy and humiliated.

Standing over my face yet again she suddenly sat down.  Resting all her weight onto my face so my nose was pressed deep into her bottom.  Rubbing herself across me so the scent of her pussy deliciously filled my lungs.

Preventing me from breathing properly, pushing down with her bottom.

She then lifted herself slightly to allow me to speak...

'Who is your Queen?'

'You are!'

'Who is your Goddess?'

'YOU!'

Then, my nose painfully squashed, so close to the part of her that I wanted desperately to touch.

'You will learn... you are NEVER right.  You will never be allowed to be right.'

She stood up and just stood there, looking down at me.  I couldn't meet her gaze and looked away... eyes travelling down her body as she lifted up her dress.  Pulled her tights out just a little and slid her fingers beneath them.  

Looking down at me, still laying pathetically on the floor, she began to masturbate.  I wanted to see. Wanted to touch her.  I needed to.  But couldn't really see anything other than her finger moving.  And of course hear her.  From the sounds her finger made, Mistress was very wet.

I watched her pleasuring herself, not daring to ask to look or to touch.  I watched her, desperately needy, feeling debased and lowered.  She continued until she began to mewl with little gasping noises.  Her finger faster and faster, her impending orgasm displayed in her every mouth and  breath.

And then she stopped.  

Placed my phone on my chest and walked out of the room without a word, just leaving me there on the floor.

Moments later I heard my front door bang and Mistress Keyholder was gone.

His gift...

Written by my boy..

Today [1.1.2014] was our first anniversary.  One year since I contacted Mistress Keyholder. I put such care into that first email. I was certain, solely from reading her blog, that she was perfect for me.  I saw myself in her writing, her words called to me, appeared to describe me.  

I believed that Mistress Keyholder would get hundreds of emails and so I tried find a way to attract her attention.  I decided to write an email every day for a month and to spend that month in self enforced chastity in honour of her.  I knew I wasn't her type - too old and too normal for a start.  I did not expect to hear from her for some time, if ever.  But I knew I had to try.  She was the lady of my dreams, the one I truly wanted to serve.

Imagine my surprise when she responded to me the very next day.  

Imagine the way my heart leapt when she told me that my email had made her put her head in her hands, emotional at having finally found a kindred spirit...

I kept up my self enforced chastity.  Three weeks later we met for the first time. I begged her to take my key.  She did so and has held it ever since.  What a wonderful year we have had.  I have finally found my soulmate.

Today Mistress took away my finances. 

My only means to access money now is if she chooses to give it to me.  She will spend the money in my bank account as she sees fit.  I have no way to wrest control back from her without ringing the bank.  That would be a very difficult conversation, bearing in mind the level of access she now has.

I could not do this unless I trusted Mistress Keyholder 100%.  She has in fact been able to access my account now for some time and has not abused it (yet). I know she will ensure there is enough to pay my bills and that she will allow me what I need to live on.  An amount she will choose.  What she does with the rest, I have no say in.  The knowledge of her level of ownership over me now is very scary.  My tummy is filled with butterflies.  She has taken us to a different level, where I am truly, truly her slave.

To mark our anniversary I gave Mistress a gift.  She had put a lot of effort into one for me too, but something went wrong and it wasn't ready.  I can't wait until it is ready - a gift from Mistress Keyholder - can you imagine?!  I don't know what it is but am excited just because it's something from my Goddess.

In 2013 I had six orgasms.  Mistress allowed five of them and one was an accidental emission, that just drooled out of the end of cock and dripped onto the bed.  She is always saying how she hates orgasms (that's the male orgasm, she LOVES her own and has plenty of them!). She dreads me having mine because she says I am a much nicer boy when I am desperate.  She needs and feeds on my frustration.

Yesterday I reminded her it was three months today since my last orgasm.  She went a little quiet and explained she didn't want to think about it - the longer I went without, the closer my next one would be.

So my anniversary gift - have you guessed?  

I wanted to give Mistress Keyholder something she would truly enjoy and treasure.

I gave her the most expensive gift I have ever given.  Not in monetary terms,  but in terms of the suffering it will extract from me.

I was not ready to give such a gift. That made it all the more fitting - because it was more of a sacrifice, a deeper submission.

It has been three months since my last orgasm.  I still have not had one.

Yet I begged Mistress Keyholder to accept my gift - of not allowing a single orgasm during the year of 2014.

She accepted

My Goddess - thank you.  I love you with all of my heart and beg you never, ever to release me.

Your adoring boy and number one fan. xxx

One Year On...

It was one year ago today that I received an email. It was a long e.mail that had been written with great care and feeling. It was written from the heart and spoke to me like no message had done before.

It was from a man who didn't live too far from me and was as passionate about chastity as I was. I felt a connection with him, if only for our similar cravings.

Over the next days and weeks we spoke every day, and found out more about each other, until after a few weeks I decided I had to meet this man.

We met, and he made such effort to make that first meeting special and memorable. It was a very special day. It was the day I took on my boy and committed him to my care.

I could never have dreamed on that day that we would be where we are today. I could never have imagined that he could be so well matched to me. We are perfect for each other.

He IS the man who I dreamed of as a teenager. I am so glad I chose to wait for the right man to find me.

He has moved house to be near me, and has devoted himself to me completely.

We made our anniversary special by completing his dependence on me.

I prepared him for it, explaining how it would work and giving him time to come to terms with it, and to back out if he didn't feel it was right.
Today, I went to my boy's house and he gave me his financial dependence. He turned over his bank to me - his cards, his details, everything. He can no longer access his money. He will not know how much he has, how it is being spent, nothing.
He has an allowance of £200 cash and a note book. He has to write down and account for every penny of that money. If he can only account for £180, he will only get £180 in his next allowance. This money is for everything he needs. I will see how long the money lasts before deciding how long the next lot is to last him.

He also gave me an anniversary gift. Two infact. But one... one was very, very special. I will let him tell you what it is.

I always knew my boy existed. I knew somewhere in the world he was there.. I said it often enough in my blog!

Thank goodness he found me. For both of us. We are complete now.

Happy anniversary my love x

Gym Rules

One of the first tasks my boy has had since moving onto my street is to join the local gym. He did this last night while I was there.

He has rules for attending the gym;

1. You are only to go to the gym in my company or with prior permission.

2. You are not allowed to look at other women at the gym or make eye contact with them.

3. You are not allowed to initiate conversation with any other gym users.

4. If a male initiates conversation you may chat. If I woman initiates conversation you may answer politely and then discontinue the conversation unless asked another question, to which you may reply politely.
Any conversations will be reported to me.

5. If cock gets aroused by the sight of another female at the gym this must be reported immediately to me and I will deal with it accordingly.

6. You may not buy any food or drink at the gym. You may only drink the water which is supplied free.

7. You may not use the sauna without me.

You need to leave a reply here on the blog to notify me you have read and agree to these rules.

Breath Play...

My boy wrote this entry some months ago now..

 

The week after my orgasm, Mistress Keyholder came to visit me again.  She wanted to play with a piece of equipment I have owned for some time, but never really used.

It consists of a rubber anaesthetic mask with a tube leading to a rubber bladder.  There is a valve on the tube which can be opened or closed to let in air.  When the valve is closed it creates a sealed unit between the mask, tube and rubber bladder.  The only air that can be breathed is the air in the rubber bladder, through the tube.  The longer the valve is kept closed, the less oxygen there is left in this air as it is taken in and out and in and out  between the lungs and the rubber bladder.

This is what's called a rebreather.

Mistress had me attach the mask over my face and lay on my bed.  Naked except for my cock cage, which she did not remove.  Mistress lay next to me, fully clothed.

At first the valve was open and though my every breath was filled with rubber, I had clean air to sustain me.  Mistress stroked my naked body, vulnerable to her touch.

Then she closed the valve.

Instantly the rubber bladder began to inflate and deflate to the rhythm of my breathing.  Every breath I took was from air inside the bladder. Air that I had breathed already.

Meanwhile Mistress lay beside me, watching.

Her hand on my caged cock.

I felt like a fly, trapped and being examined, inspected by the spider.

(Before I go on I must add that I am aware that breath play can be dangerous, as is Mistress Keyholder.  There are a number of deaths caused by it in the UK every year, although most of those deaths are caused by auto asphyxia - when someone plays alone and there is no-one to rescue them if they pass out.  Nevertheless there are risks involved and we are both aware.)

Mistress had me hold a timer whilst I was trapped in the rebreather.

She wanted to see how long it was before I struggled.

It took about a minute before I was finding it really difficult.

My breath becoming faster and faster, yet receiving no sustenance from the oxygenless air passing into my lungs.

At 1 minute 30 seconds I couldn't take any more and she opened the valve.

I was literally gasping for breath.

She did this again and again.  Whilst playing with the cage.  Telling me to imagine what it would be like to have cock free at that moment.  Oh god how I wanted that!  She wanted me to go longer, but it was so hard.  Stroking my head, stroking my belly, telling me what a good boy I was... 

It became progressively more difficult as each time I didn't get quite long enough before she closed the valve again.

And then....

She made it really hard.

I had not fully recovered before she closed the valve.  I was not ready.  But suddenly was plunged into breathing my own breath again.  A minute into it I began to panic.  My chest was rising and falling, air was going into and out of my lungs, but I just couldn't breathe.  I was panicking.  In truth I was not tied up - I could have taken the mask off at any point, but that felt like something I had no choice about.

So I panicked.

Mistress Keyholder soothed me.

Shushed me.

She did not release me.

She did not show pity.

Instead stroked my head and told me to be calm.

To take it for her.

And I did.

She calmed me down and allowed me to submit to it completely.

My vision clouded, lightheaded, all that existed was Mistress Keyholder.  Softly submitting to my owner.

The feelings... killing me softly... makes me feel like I felt when I first heard this song as a boy.  Willingly submitting to her quietly killing me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NeHAy-Btw0

Luckily Mistress didn't kill me.  She released me and held me quietly, letting me recover as my chest heaved.  Guiding my fingers between her legs she showed me just what taking such control over me had done to her. She told me that at some point she was going to do it to me whilst I was tied up and truly helpless.  She warned me though, that she thought she would REALLY scare me when she did that. Such was her desire and thoughts in her head...

Once I had sufficiently recovered, Mistress needing satisfying after her intense arousal... ............

 

Moving Day

My boy moved into his new house last week. It was, due to circumstances, lesser of an event than I had planned. However, it was still exciting, and is lovely having him so close to me now.

 

Nipple play

Pure white, crisp, clean shirt. Meticulous.
Smart man. Professional. Highly respectable job.
Sat in the back of a car together.
In his work, a strong figure. Looked up to. Highly regarded.
In the back of the car, sat, clothed smartly, avoiding my eye contact.
My hand ventures to his top button, and undoes it.
This man, officially clothed, but looking down, as I undo another button.
And I think that it shouldn't be.
That I am unclothing this smart man, revealing his skin,
unsmartening him as I continue to unbutton.
Disrespecting him by spoiling his appearance.
Yet he sits motionless, allowing me.
Occasionally glancing at me,
and looking away.
Intently,
I touch his skin, beneath his shirt.
Towards his nipple.
And my fingers brush over it.
He murmurs.
And I proceed to stroke it,
because his cock is locked away,
I arouse his nipple.
I use it,
as my tool to torment him.
Rolling it, between fingertips, gently,
harder.
Stroking, pulling, squeezing, rubbing, as if it were cock in my hands...
gaining my own pleasure from doing this to him.
Arousing myself by abusing,
the smartly dressed man in his car.

And all the time, cock is locked away in unrelenting steel.
He is held tight.
Restricted.
As I sit on his lap, facing him, I feel
cock pushing up
against me,
trying so hard.
Flicking and jumping about,
desperate.
Wanting attention.

But nipple has me tonight.
Two nipples,
one in each hand,
hurting him.
Pinching,
a smart man, in the back of a car, last night...

And cock...
is locked.

 

Need..

Need.

 
It's a word that is automatically associated with chastity - his need to orgasm, his need for his Mistress, being needy in general because he is so denied, it's breeds need...

It is less, if at all, linked with Mistress. However, I have to tell you, I NEED!

I need my boy like you wouldn't believe. I truly need him.

It's not a dominant thing to say. As Mistress, I am not meant to care or get emotionally involved. But I have never claimed to be heartless. I have always owned up to the fact that I am a caring Mistress.

So, does it weaken me to have such a dependency on my boy? Perhaps in some way, that point could have credibility. But in my opinion, it just serves to prove a fact - that chastity is like air to me. I NEED it. My boy facilitates my breathing. Without him I would suffocate. He enables me to be. And with such a dependency on him, with such closeness, it only means that in return he is evermore closer to me. He is bound to me by his need and mine. We need each other and that need fuels the others'.

He can't escape me because I need him, and because he knows he can't escape - he is destined to a life of denial to please and keep me satisfied, that in turn binds him closer to me. He needs that level of control and because I give it to him, he needs me more... and as he needs me more, his need fuels my love for him.

That in part explains why he was the one who got me. Out the hundreds of men who in the years I have been searching have approached me.. he was the one who won because of his level of devotion. That is what won me. He is devoted to me completely. I could do anything with him. I know I could.
Nobody has offered me the devotion he does, and so he won.

He won MKH.

And there is no escaping me now.

He has a keeper and I have my need fulfilled.

Nothing that I can see will ever break that.

New House... New Life...

My boy will soon be moving to a house in my street. This geographical closeness will bring us closer, and allow our relationship to develop still further.

I aim to develop my control of him - to keep him on a tighter rein and to enforce new restrictions on him.

We have also talked about tailoring a room in the house specifically for his training. My boy has worked on design ideas for this room. He has come up with a head box. I restrictive prison for his head to be locked away, while I do whatever I wish to him.

He is a chastity slave now, in the true sense of the term. He is at my mercy sexually. But when he moves to his new house, I am going to start working on making him my slave in chastity. That is something quite, quite different.

108 days .......... over.

Words by my boy..

If you have read through Mistress Keyholder's blog you may have an inkling that she likes chastity.  You might realise that it is important to her.

If you know her or have come into contact with her then you will know it is very important to her.

But just HOW important is chastity to Mistress Keyholder?

How much of what she writes is just her overactive sexual fantasy?

After all, that's all it is, isn't it?  Just a bit of fantasy fun?  

I know the answers to these questions.

Read my true life experiences of the last two days and maybe you will too.

Yesterday I met Mistress Keyholder for a snatched hour amid her jobs and busy busy life. I was grateful that she gave me her time and thankful

that she allowed me to give her time back to her - by doing some of her ironing and her supermarket shop. Her ironing has to be perfect by the way -

right down to ironing socks, dusters, knickers... everything!  I think if you laid flat in her house for more than 10 minutes you would get ironed.  It genuinely was an honour that she allowed me to do this.  But that's another story.

We met briefly.  Just an hour.

During this time she wanted to see cock.

Her cock.

She had put the keys to the cage out where I could see them.  I was certain she was going to let cock out to play with him.

 

She touched him through the cage.

She kissed him and stroked him.  

If only you could see the way her lips kissed cock through the bars at the end of the cage.

The love, the desire in that kiss.

Her kiss drove me mad. Especially when her tongue licked wetly through the bars, coating the head of cock with her saliva.

If only you could see the way she looked at him.

It was a look of utter, utter love.  There was no mistaking it.

She held him and cuddled up to him. Laying with her head in my lap, cheek pressed against her caged cock.

Her eyes were closed and she looked just so much at peace.

She had a look on her face of complete happiness. Ecstasy. Devotion.

She told me then that cock wasn't going to be let out of the cage that day.  

I was relieved to be honest.  I was extremely horny, but the intense love I felt from her devotion to her chaste cock, well I just didn't

want to take that away from her.  I didn't want to lose the submissive feeling that filled my entire being.  I was turned to mush inside.

I have never seen anybody look so in love as Mistress Keyholder did when she held her caged cock.

I have never felt so in love, so needing to please someone else in that way.  I have never felt so helpless and submissive.

Today I saw her again.  Lucky me, two days on the trot!!!

Our time together is always special, though I won't go into all the detail right now. 

Just to tell you how desperate I was. She had turned me into this needy creature who was just so incredibly frustrated all the time and so needy for an 

orgasm.

She had me wear a condom so that I might be able to fuck her the way she likes.  

Well.

Fuck her at all to be honest.

I am that sensitive after so long without orgasm, my prolonged periods in the cage and the incredibly teasing way that she touches me, that when I am

inside her sometimes I can't even move.  Sometimes I can't even GET inside her!

The condom helped and I was able to thrust into Mistress without fear of an immediate accident.  Though I did become more and more desperate.  I 

was a little lost in it all and just started begging and begging her to let me orgasm.  It was 108 days since my last orgasm.  I really meant it.  So so desperate.  I begged and begged.

After she had given me the honour of Pure Pussy Pleasure, she had me take off the condom and lay on my front on the bed, on top of a towel.

She then made me hump the towel.

'Made' is rather strong actually - I was just so desperate I would have done anyway.

She lay there watching me.

Telling me how dirty I was.

I was so embarrassed.  Her face right in front of me. Watching me just humping a towel.  That was all I was allowed.

I was still begging.

I needed to cum.

Eventually she got on all fours in front of me.

Her arse was in my face. It was clear what she wanted me to do.

At that point, with my tongue buried inside her hole, she told me that she would allow me to cum.

I have been without orgasm for 108 days.  And up to 4 weeks at a time in the cage without it even coming off.

I am not some chastity expert.  I haven't had years of practice, building up to this.  I'm like most people reading this blog in that I used to masturbate every single day.

Lots.

Until I met Mistress Keyholder.

108 days is a LONG time for me.

108 days without an orgasm - over 3 months.

You might have expected something special after all that time.

I had been wearing a condom - I could have cum whilst making love to Mistress Keyholder.  She could have allowed that, let me cum in a loving, special way.

But no.

My orgasm after 108 days was humping a towel on the bed with my tongue buried deep into her arse.

It only took a few seconds.

And was one of the most mind blowing and humiliating experiences of my life.

Afterwards we held each other. Naked in each other's arms.

Mistress Keyholder was crying. She had tears streaming down her cheeks.

We talked.

She was sad. So sad.

Sad because I had an orgasm.

Sad because I was no longer her desperate boy.

Mistress Keyholder tells me she LOVES her orgasms (I can attest to that).

She also tells me that she hates mine.  She can't abide them.

How many women do you know that need chastity so much, they cry over an orgasm?

Mistress Keyholder doesn't need chastity.

Mistress Keyholder NEEDS chastity.

That's why I love her so much.

I beg her often to never let me go.  I mean that, I truly mean it from the bottom of my heart.

Mistress Keyholder's devoted and loving boy. 

House

My boy has had an offer accepted on a house in my street, less than 50 yards away..

He will be here, at my beck and call, every moment I feel the need to call on him.

101 Days - Our Day Together - by my chaste boy

My Dearest Mistress,

Thank you for today.

This isn't the reason I love you so much, or the only reason I'm so gushy about you, but I need to tell you - today you gave me the best sexual experience of my life.

Nothing comes close.

The way you looked in your rubber.

The way you felt.

The way you smelt.

As I type about it now, think about it, cock is swelling and my heart suddenly races.

Everything you did today was so perfect. I want to live today again and again and again.

When you leant against the banister, your bottom sticking out, unzipped from the rubber... and my tongue buried inside you... 

OH

MY 

GOD!!!!

My lungs were full of the smell of rubber.  My face pushed against your beautiful, smooth bottom.  My tongue inside you.  Pressing into your hole.  I felt.... so so submissive.  I felt like your worshiper.  Degraded through having my tongue inside your bottom.  Wanting it though. Wanting it so so badly. My tongue in your bottom.  Just perfect.

And when you turned around and gave me the honour of licking your pussy... oh wow. oh wow.

It WAS an honour.

I'm not just saying that because it's the sort of thing a slave is supposed to say.  I'm saying it because if felt like an honour.  Worshiping you.  I was truly worshiping you.

The way your pussy lips stuck out through the rubber.  Wet. Hot.  Swollen. The most horny sight in the world.  The way you tasted. Felt on my tongue. The way you held my head, the way you used me.  I was your slave.  Your adoring, worshipful slave and I was in the most beautiful heaven, worshiping you there.  

When cock was free, wrapped in your scarf and I was again worshiping your pussy as you stood against the wall.... at first I wanted to touch him.  I was so, so horny and so incredibly turned on by licking you.

But then... I didn't.  I didn't need to touch him.  Cock slipped from my mind.

I became engulfed purely in your pleasure.  Existing for your pussy, for your pleasure and nothing else.

All I wanted was to please you.

All I wanted was to show you my worship, make you feel adored, make you horny and turned on.

I didn't need cock.

I just needed your pleasure to fulfil me. 

One of the best things ever happened today - you came on my face.

I am SO grateful for that.

Your orgasm fulfilled me in ways I cannot express.

Submissively.

I loved you for your orgasm.  For using me in that way.  That in itself is the most pleasurable experience for me.

In the bath... I knew what was coming obviously.  Only partly though.

I didn't know you were going to piss all over my face.

Have it run down my cheeks.

Piss into my nose.

God.

Piss into my nose.

That was hard... sort of a choking.. your piss in my nostrils.  The smell of your piss stuck in there.  Your taste in my mouth as I held a mouthful of your piss.

Pissing into my mouth... drinking you... I loved that.

Pissing into my nose - you engulfed me in absolute submission. I felt so degraded.  Controlled.  Owned.  It reminded me of the video we watched.  Of the way she spat into his nose and mouth.

I thought about this on the way home.

About you pissing on me like that whilst I was tied up.

Into my mouth.

Into my nose.  Waiting until you REALLY had to go.

And then I thought....  imagined you opening my eye, holding it open by the lid.  And pissing into my eye.  It would sting.  It would be the most degrading thing in the world.

Then doing the other one. Pissing into my eye as you held it open.

The rebreather - I have wanted to do that with you for so long.

I WANTED to please you with it.  I wanted YOU to choose when it came off.   It was very difficult for me.  It felt like you were never going to take it off. I thought actually that you were just going to keep it going until I ripped it off myself.  You certainly did that first time.

Being able only to breathe the rubber.

With you watching me. Kissing me.  Telling me what a good boy I was.... Oh Mistress! Oh my.  That control, is extreme.  It is so, so strong.  And my breath getting less and less, my head becoming woozy.  You kissing me.  

"Good boy." 

 Desperate for air.  And as I found it hard... when I really started to struggle, do you know what the best bit was?

Hearing your breathing.

Hearing how your breathing became faster.

Hearing a little moan escape your lips.

Knowing how my suffering was affecting you.  It made me want to suffer more for you.

When you opened the valve, just when I was ready to rip it off again... suddenly I could breathe again. Though still, through rubber.  I wanted you to do it again.  Close the valve again. Control me again.  And again. And again. Playing with my breath, my air over and over.

I loved it.

Being inside you today... it felt like making love.  I made love to you.  When cock could move.

He did feel so very useless though.  I should be able to thrust into you hard, fast.  But I can't.  Sometimes I can barely move.  And if you try to move me, or move myself, it really is just too much.  You can't possibly know how frustrating that is.  How desperate I am to please you.  How cock feels like he has betrayed me.  Just useless.  He can't do his job.

And when I couldn't thrust into you.  I knew you would like me to.  I knew you wanted it.  I imagined you using a cock that COULD fuck you like you wanted.

Today you have given me such a gift.  Such submission. Such lovely, lovely strong feelings.

I loved every second that I spent with you.

I love you more than I have ever loved before.

And the things you told me - in person and in text - about your feelings - make my heart filled to bursting.

I am SO grateful to you. For everything.

I am your grateful, chaste, adoring and happy boy. xxx

_____________________________________________________

My boy, as you will be able to tell, fulfils me completely - sexually, emotionally. He is my everything..

And I love him very, very much.

101 Days

It is 101 days since my boy last had an orgasm. We are into hundreds of days now... out of double figures and into hundreds.

Some people have commented to me that when it gets to this long you must get used to it, not be as frustrated, not find it as difficult. 

Believe me, it gets only harder for him. The frustration is with him pretty much every minute of every day.. and often hours of the night. It does not get any easier.

But the more denied and frustrated he gets, the more I don't want to end it for him.
If you have ever done any chastity, you will know the emptiness, the 'down' after the orgasm. I can't bring myself to do that to him.. How could I subject him to that?

I couldn't do it.

I like him just as he is. Denied and frustrated and a good boy.

Let down...

His closed bid got beaten, by a small amount. 
We didn't get the lovely, original 1930's house on my street...
But there is hope...
Today my boy looked at another house on my street, which is even closer to me.
He liked it, and has put in an offer.
We wait...

Willing to Relocate?

It's a question that is asked on most of the fetish sites, when you join and fill out a profile.

If you found the perfect Mistress, would you be willing to relocate for her?
I'm always surprised how many subs tick 'yes'. It's a masssive thing, relocating. Not many of those men who haphazardly tick yes actually mean it. I know.

My boy has been with me now for 8 full months.

A few days ago he noticed a house for sale on my street, and mentioned it to me. Asked casually what I thought to him living that close. I said it sounded like a great idea.

So, he booked to view it today.

We went together. We both loved it.

We had been in the house about ten minutes, and my boy said to the estate agent, "I'd like to put in an offer". And there and then he put in a substantial offer.

Unfortunately, someone else has also put an offer in on the house and it is now down to closed bids..

But the fact is, my boy is prepared to move over 60 miles...to purchase a property based solely on being close to me.

That is a sub who meant it when he ticked "yes"...
 

The Reality of Being .. Mistress KeyHolder's Boy

I asked my boy to write an article for my blog with the above title.. He said, simultaneouly, I am just writing an article for your blog...
We are so well matched!

Being Mistress Keyholder's slave...

I have had 4 orgasms this year.  That's since my first contact with Mistress on 1st January 2013.  An average of one orgasm every 50 days.

My last orgasm was before my birthday, 10 weeks, 4 days and 6 hours ago.

The last time cock was allowed out of the chastity cage was 3 weeks, 5 days and 5 hours ago.  Since that time he has not left the cage. Not once.

Not even unlocked - not even when I travelled through airport security. 

Cock has not had the freedom to even get hard for almost 4 weeks.

Mistress has gradually taken control of my life in other ways too.  I don't know where it will stop... and I don't want it to.

I work for her, earning money for her via the computer when I am able.

I am not allowed to look at porn without Mistress Keyholder's permission.  I could cheat, but I don't. It would ruin the point for us both.  She has told me that she intends eventually to stop me from looking at porn at all.

I am not allowed to look at other women - to ogle them.  I am not allowed to note a flash of cleavage, a shapely leg or (my personal achilles heel) a rounded bottom. I am to avert my eyes as I walk past.  Look at the floor. I am mostly successful in this task.

I am not allowed to text other women.  I cannot give out my phone number unless it is strictly for work. If I do receive a text from another woman, I must ask permission before replying.  Mistress has already stopped me texting one woman altogether who she thought was taking too much interest.

Mistress has the right to inspect my phone at any time she chooses.  The first time she did this I had absolutely no idea what was coming.  She handcuffed my hands behind my back.  I thought she was going to tease cock.

But then she took out my phone.

Demanded the password.

Inspected the contents.

Mistress has access to my bank.  That may sound foolish to some and I understand that viewpoint.  But in any case,  she has the password to my bank account and she knows she can go into it any time she wishes.  She can inspect exactly what I have spent and on what.  She can take money from my account. There is nothing stopping her at all from changing the password and locking me out of my own bank account, making me financially dependant on her, if she chooses.  Every week I must provide Mistress with a report detailing my finances, exactly what I have spent over the last 7 days.

Mistress has a liking for tattoos.  I don't have any.  But we have talked about one day... one day... her having me tattooed.  In the location of her choice. With the tattoo of her choice.  She has a fantasy about slowly covering my body in tattoos.  Making me her piece of art.  Not something to be done lightly, we both appreciate.  But in the fullness of time... I really do hope to become her living artwork.

Mistress Keyholder is strict.  She is harsh even. Merciless.  She does not tolerate any outbursts from me and is quick to put me in my place.  But at the same time she is loving.

She is caring.

She cares for cock so incredibly well.

I am in contact with her every day.  Every hour of every day we exchange messages if we don't see each other.  She ensures I am cared for and she enhances my frustration and desperation.

Up until recently Mistress has regularly touched, played with and tormented cock.

She takes him out of the cage, soothes him.  She talks to him and kisses him and shows him how much she loves him.

I had thought it was difficult.

I had thought I was frustrated.

More recently though I am learning otherwise.  I am sensing a change in Mistress Keyholder.

Due to circumstance we have not seen each other for the last four weeks.  During that time her attitude seems to have changed somewhat.  She appears to becoming more and more keen to keep cock locked for longer.  In fact the way she talks suggests almost permanent denial.  She really scares me.

She recently went on holiday.

Whilst on holiday she met another man.  Just an ordinary man who she took a liking to.  And spent more and more time with him, until the last day of her holiday, she kissed him.  Not a peck on the cheek.  A kiss.

Mistress has told me all about this.  In detail.

She told me that as she kissed this other man she thought about telling me about it.  She said this is what really made her heart race and excited her.

Mistress told me all about her feelings and interactions with this man whilst talking to me on Skype. She watched my reactions.  I could feel her eyes boring into me.  I felt...

pathetic.  Weak. Useless.  Because I did not rant and complain.  I accepted.  She told me that I was pathetic.  She could tell by the way I chewed and pursed my lip that cock was truly hers.  She told me she WANTED me to be pathetic.  That my state aroused her dominance.  

Mistress told me that she wants to see this man again.  That she wants him.  She told me that she wants to kiss him in front of me.  That she wants to watch me watching them, to see my reaction.  She wants to torture me.

She told me that the more she becomes involved with the man, the less she will need to release my cock.  I don't think for an instant that she will lose her love of my cock or that she will abandon it.  But instead, she will have less and less need to release it from the cage.  Instead just able to concentrate on what she enjoys the very most.  Denial of cock.

I have spent the last 24 hours in utter, utter turmoil.  I am so incredibly horny, cock feels constantly heavy and keeps swelling up.  My balls ache.  They really really ache.

Mistress has told me that the next time I see her, she will not be playing with cock.  I will not be getting the orgasm I have been begging for.  She has told me that if I am really lucky then I might, I just might, be allowed out of the cage and granted freedom to have a hard cock.  A hard cock that does not get touched.  She wants me to look forward to, to cherish and appreciate the gift of just being allowed to be hard.

I feel that Mistress is stepping up my denial.  That so far has just been a taster of what she is capable of.  That cock is going away for a long time.  That I will experience total, total denial.  

How does this make me feel?

Turmoil.

Torment.

I want to be hard.

I want to be touched.

I want to orgasm.

Like you wouldn't believe.

I know I have no choice. Cock is locked in a steel cage.  He is secured into it with a titanium padlock that impales the head of cock through a PA piercing and prevents cock from being pulled out.  Mistress Keyholder, holds the only key.

I feel such a need to be released.  But at the same time, the feelings of submission are overwhelming me.  To complete distraction.  I know that Mistress Keyholder's denial of cock is all about her pleasure.  I know that any action she takes is all about what will please her.  My need is irrelevant.  She told me - you sought me out.  You wanted chastity.  You knew what I was all about.  And now you are experiencing it.

She tells me I am pathetic.  That is how she wants me.  The more pathetic I become, the more she wants me to be that way and the more merciless she becomes.

So I know, I feel, that I am very genuinely her chastity slave.  A true slave to Mistress Keyholder. I cannot escape - even if I REALLY wanted I can't because she holds my heart. Because I love her and cannot be without her.  

These feelings of submission... stem from knowing how truly I am now her slave.  From her mercilessness and strength.  I love her for it. I worship her, I idolise her. I am so very very conflicted.  My NEED for sexual pleasure, for release, balanced against my NEED to serve.  To be her slave - not in play, but for real.  This conflict eats at me constantly.

Mistress, thank you for taking the choice from me.  WIthout lack of choice I could never have become what you are making me.

I had a fantasy earlier about my promised possible time out of the cage - the possibility of being hard.  I have been fantasising about being hard. How it will feel.  No touching, I know that's not allowed.

But then I imagined... the time coming.

Mistress telling me I had been such a good boy.

I deserved it.

I had been and was truly pathetic.  Her pathetic little boy.

And because of this, because I had pleased her so much, she was going to allow me to keep pleasing her.

She was going to allow me to become more pathetic.

And as I whined and whimpered my pleas, she explained how she would not be removing the cage after all...

In the conclusion of my report I have one last thing to say - a plea to Mistress Keyholder.  In a moment of clarity that will soon be overwhelmed in regret... in the full knowledge of what these words mean... 

Mistress... 

please 

please 

please

I beg you

keep me special.

I am Mistress Keyholder's chastity slave. 

No Touching for Cock..

The other day I saw my boy for a very short time.. We sneaked a few minutes together out of our Summer Separation.. 45 minutes in the back seat of his car.

We kissed, and as we did I put my hand under his shirt, feeling his body, and up, higher, until my fingers were touching his armpit. It was smooth, freshly shaven, just as I had requested. Lovely. I had thought he may have forgotten my request for our next meeting, and had planned on keeping him locked for letting me down, but his armpits were smooth and fresh.

So I took the key and placed it in the lock. It had been so long since the lock had been undone that it had become stuck. We both tried, jiggling the key about, trying to loosen it. It wasn't moving and I smirked at him being stuck there. He got a little more determined with the key, but he was having to put so much force into it that there was becoming a risk of damaging the key.

It did, however, eventually budge, and his device came off.

I examined cock, with care, and without touching him. I could sense his desperation, his hypersensitivity. His need was very obvious. And my boy made little noises, which told me all I needed to know. He was desperate for touch. Cock looked so very attractive in this desperate state.

And, in honesty, seeing cock looking like that, pleading with me, I was desperate for him! But I couldn't let my boy down. I couldn't spoil him, and so to satisfy myself, I launched my mouth onto his lower belly, really close to, but not touching cock. And I snogged with his belly, kissed and licked and applied my teeth to the softest, purest whitest skin on his belly, freshly shaven as per my instruction for our every meeting. It was a passionate moment, and he later told me he could have orgasmed from just that kissing, but he concentrated on relaxing to prevent letting me down.

I made him look at cock, and told him we would not be touching him. Not even a slight touch. We both stared at cock and I held him at the very base, and almost apologised that he would not have any touches. It was so special...

Poor, poor cock... I felt for him, but it was in his own interest. It was to make him better and keep him pure.

You can't be touched, cock, I'm sorry.. It's to help you.. It's for your own good.. I know you need me but I can't touch you...

And, I whispered to my boy, he has to go away now.. just a few minutes of being hard was his only reward for weeks of denial...

But it is doing him good.... my boy is trying so hard. He is being such a good boy. 

Wouldn't you be?

Don't you just wish it was you?

He is so lucky isn't he?

Lucky, denied , special boy.

The Smell of Mistress

Usually it's a knicker thing. Most men, if invited to bury their noses into an item of a woman's clothing would chose knickers. Indeed, my boy is no different. Given half the chance he would have them over his nose in an instant, however, it was not my knickers that he focussed on...

He broached the subject tentatively, initially, mentioning my boots, and my feet, kissing my feet, and developing the conversation to test my reaction. I have told him never to fear discussing anything with me. Never to fear ridicule or misunderstanding... and as time has gone on, he has learnt to trust what I say and to venture more and more of his fetish desires to me, always, so far receiving a positive response from me.

And so he began to ask for my socks. I liked his asking. I liked it so much that I didn't want it to stop, and so I told him that he would not be getting them for a while yet, as I liked his asking too much, and to give them would end it. And so this led to more persistent asking, the offer of paying for them, begging for them.

Those of you who know me, know that I don't do anything by halves. If I am going to do something, I do it well. And the giving of my socks was no different. I was not going to simply wear them and hand them over, smelling freshly of wash powder and newness. That was not the point.

So I after my jog, I kept my socks on. For the rest of the evening. And the next day, and the next. 3 days worth of me sweated and seeped into the very fabric of my socks. Saturated with my smell for him...

And when I next saw him, I placed them in his hands. One in his left hand, one in his right. 
He was layed naked on the bed. Not even his chastity device on. His cock was rock hard. I allowed him to draw his hands up to his face and he placed the socks over his nose as he inhaled deeply... and as he did I began to wank his cock to his breathing in of my smell. His eyes closed and he focussed entirely on his olfactory sense. He was clearly deeply pleasured by it, and that in turn deeply pleasured me - it was the most arousing, erotic thing, watching him getting off on the smell of my socks..
And without him having any say in the matter, he was in turn being sexually aroused, by my hands,  as he breathed... Until, the pleasure overwhelmed him, and he had to warn me, "please be careful, Mistress," for his arousal was such that he was close to orgasm.

As I stopped wanking him, I placed his hands back by his side, until he was ready to start again. And so it continued in this manner. With his sexual arousal being timed to his breathing in my smell. As the socks were drawn away from his face, his sexual stimulation stopped also, and vice versa, and as he breathed in, his cock was rewarded - trained into associating the smell of me with sexual reward.

Cock already knows that his arousal depends entirely on me.. but this is taking it one step further. Teaching him to depend on me.. that all that he has comes from me..

When we left his house, cock locked safely away, denied of course, I showed him that my socks had been placed under his pillow... so that when I wasn't there, he could place them over his face and at some level, I would be with my boy...

and cock could quietly pine for me.