Sad Tidings

Yet another disappointment befell me today.

5 weeks after starting a conversation with a new submissive (IB), he notified me today he was removing himself from my consideration.

Part of me is shocked to the core, yet also it was inevitable as he was sadly, (I found out later), not in an emotional or relational free state to fully engage with me.

Yet for 5 weeks we connected, video called and met. 

While I feel bereft at the moment, IB gave me my life back in some ways. 

I have spent the past 4.5 years in a state of turmoil after my long term D/s partner left me. I just couldn't get myself to move on or feel anything for anyone. I truly believed I would never love, kiss, or hold a caged man again.

But IB triggered in me the feelings that I felt had been lost to me forever. 

It was in the way we looked at each other. I could just feel him melting under my gaze, and I know he could feel my sense of control. It was a connection that went straight to my core, to my soul. 

It was a feeling I have only felt with two people in my entire life. It is rare as gold dust and I would never let that escape me of my own choosing. I know how hard it is to find.

But he had to release himself from me. I hung with my fingertips to the edge of a sheer cliff face, hoping he might retrieve me and pedestalise me, but he let me fall.

One day he may regret the choice, but for now it served him.

So I continue on my journey to find my true soul mate. They say we have four people in the world who are truly our soul mates. Two more have yet to find me and see if they are the ones to make my life complete.

Thank you, IB, for showing me my soul is alive.