I should start by saying that, Twink went. I have no idea why. He just went and I never saw him again. He didn't stay beyond the first week of February 2025. He was too young. Since then I had pretty much given up.
A few weeks ago I received quite a long text message from a communication which came quite out of the blue.
It was harsh but brought home a realisation that I have been avoiding for 14 and a half years.
I was so keen to build a life around my dream of a chastity based lifestyle I gave grace where it wasn't deserved. I allowed someone to be part of my life who didn't deserve that place. I believed in the best possible outcome, I gave chances, many of them, and always belived a positive outcome was possible.
People around me told me I was wrong, mistaken, being taken for granted, being destroyed, but I just coudn't see it.
For four years after he left, I still coudn't see it. I still hoped for the best and believed in a connection I truly thought was there, but I was wrong.
The words in that text message clarified something bare and honest and painful.
My belief, my positive outlook, my hope and personal desires were not enough to build a relationship. It was only half a foundation and so the house kept tipping over and collapsing into the ground.
No matter how strong, true and firm my footings, if the other side could not match me, it was always going to fail.
In that text message, I saw the cracks and fallibilities which were permanent in the structure and I do not deserve that.
I am bold, and the past 14 years have made me bolder.
At first, I thought I should give up on my dream to find a D/s relationship, that I was only ever going to find flawed men in this sphere.
But I exist. I am here with a solid maturity, emotional stability, intelligence and strength of character. There is absolutely no reason why my true match can't be found.
And so, I set out, as I did all those years ago, well over a decade and a half at the start of this blog, to find my other half. A man who can match me not just sexually, as my adoring submissive, but on deeper levels also. A man who is fit, vibrant, an organiser in the outside world, but who depends on the safety and emotional security that a strong dominant woman can give.
After 4 years of being alone, thinking I was was growing and moving forward, 6 weeks ago I actually realised I had been stuck in a warp of turmoil dependance which had slowly depleted me over the decade.
6 weeks ago, that text message woke me up, and I finally closed the door on my demons of the past and turned my back. I faced forward and decided I am getting my true self back. The strong dominant woman that I have been all my life, but lost sight of and tried to turn my back on.
Supressing Mistress Keyholder was damaging to my psyche.
I AM Mistress Keyholder. She did not arrive by design or imagination. She is me. She existed within me before I even realised. She was not made by men or for men. She is me. The strongest, most genuinely sexually dominant dominant woman most of you will ever come across.
Somewhere in the world there is a self assured submissive who is compatiable without being destructive, who can trust in my intensity and let themselves go completely. Who can give me the life I desire without costing me my life.
Twink was almost it. He showed me other men are out there who can ignite me.
Welcome back Mistress Keyholder. Look to your feet for the worthy sub to become the new part of your life.
