I always knew, from the day he moved into his house across the road from me, that our relationship wouldn't last until we died. I don't know how I knew, but I did.
I always knew this day would come, when we were separated.
But now it's here, I can't believe it either. We argued so much, fell out and always made up again. We always made up again. I would ask if he really wanted us to end, and he'd say, 'you know I don't".
I have thought and thought if I could have done anything different to try and make us successful. But I tried so hard I genuinely can't think of anything else I could have done.
The fact is, he didn't want to keep trying, and no matter how much I loved him, or kept hopeful for us both, or continued to try, it couldn't make up for him not wanting me. I will never understand this, but sadly, it was true. Only 4 weeks after we ended, he was with someone new. That doesn't happen if he had loved me. I believe from his behaviours that he was working on this before he left, and how he could so coldly deny contact with me after leaving.
He changed. Regular readers here will remember when he found me, how good it was and how he loved me, was proud of me, and wanted to tell the world he was with me. He wanted me to tattoo his whole body with my art, he wanted to write on my blog, and he did the shed video for me, showing his devotion.
He asked me to mould him, control him, and give him renewed purpose in life, and initially, this was what happened. It was fantastic, and I was so very happy. I would say to him, "Why didn't you find me sooner", and he apologised. He said that each day he wanted to make me happy, and for many months, maybe years, he would ask me each morning, "How can I please you today, Mistress?".
But he changed. He gave me everything, and then gradually took it away.
Our current life was not how we wanted it. Our living situation and holidays apart were not ideal, but we planned retirement in 18 months time. All our relationship we had talked about retirement, planned for it and looked forward to it. We had the perfect life ahead of us.
I don't understand how two people who are so right for each other just couldn't make a relationship work.
Recently, he said to me, "the essential me and the essential you are just not right for each other". If he believed that, then we were destined to fail.
Sexually, we were so perfect for each other. Right up until the end of our relationship that part of us was vibrant and still evolving new and interesting elements. We had begun to explore my hypnosis of him, the use of audio during play, and had plans to develop videos.
I just don't understand it.
Read back to here;
When boy loved me..
How, how could such love disappear? He begged me never to leave him - he even wrote it on my blog.. I really, really don't undertsand.
To me, we had something so good it seems ridiculous to throw it away.
It feels like forever since I was with him. It seems like our relationship was just an amazing dream from which I'm now woken.
But then it also seems so fresh and real. I can imagine as if it were real, my lips on his belly and cocklet and his kiss. 7 years, and so much history between us, I was so proud of what I had, so grateful, and felt so lucky. I really did feel lucky.
The hard part is that I have had no explanation. Boy just went, and there has been no discussion, no talk, just closed doors, unanswered attempts by me to contact him, blank. He never discussed with me that he wasn't happy and what we could do to make things better, although he did threaten to leave me, which put me in a neervous position for months.
I have been tormenting myself with looking at photos, at reminiscing about sexual things we have done. It hurts, and all I want is to have it back. Not the way we were, but the way we WERE. For him to put me back where I belong, and to worship me. For him to come downstairs naked and kiss my feet under the table where I worked. I so loved him doing that.
In April this year, we were making videos and we were in a very good place. He said to me, if we are still this good at Christmas, I might consider another tattoo... If I could have a wish... I would wish us back to that place.
I know that the things I am doing now, boy would absolutely LOVE. The new venues and equipment. I have been blown away with it all! I even had a ticket to take him with me to an event, as a surprise. But he chose to give all this up, for something, I have no idea what - I have no idea how life gets any better than what we had.
Inside, my inner soul remains, Mistress Keyholder.
I always knew this day would come, when we were separated.
But now it's here, I can't believe it either. We argued so much, fell out and always made up again. We always made up again. I would ask if he really wanted us to end, and he'd say, 'you know I don't".
I have thought and thought if I could have done anything different to try and make us successful. But I tried so hard I genuinely can't think of anything else I could have done.
The fact is, he didn't want to keep trying, and no matter how much I loved him, or kept hopeful for us both, or continued to try, it couldn't make up for him not wanting me. I will never understand this, but sadly, it was true. Only 4 weeks after we ended, he was with someone new. That doesn't happen if he had loved me. I believe from his behaviours that he was working on this before he left, and how he could so coldly deny contact with me after leaving.
He changed. Regular readers here will remember when he found me, how good it was and how he loved me, was proud of me, and wanted to tell the world he was with me. He wanted me to tattoo his whole body with my art, he wanted to write on my blog, and he did the shed video for me, showing his devotion.
He asked me to mould him, control him, and give him renewed purpose in life, and initially, this was what happened. It was fantastic, and I was so very happy. I would say to him, "Why didn't you find me sooner", and he apologised. He said that each day he wanted to make me happy, and for many months, maybe years, he would ask me each morning, "How can I please you today, Mistress?".
But he changed. He gave me everything, and then gradually took it away.
Our current life was not how we wanted it. Our living situation and holidays apart were not ideal, but we planned retirement in 18 months time. All our relationship we had talked about retirement, planned for it and looked forward to it. We had the perfect life ahead of us.
I don't understand how two people who are so right for each other just couldn't make a relationship work.
Recently, he said to me, "the essential me and the essential you are just not right for each other". If he believed that, then we were destined to fail.
Sexually, we were so perfect for each other. Right up until the end of our relationship that part of us was vibrant and still evolving new and interesting elements. We had begun to explore my hypnosis of him, the use of audio during play, and had plans to develop videos.
I just don't understand it.
Read back to here;
When boy loved me..
How, how could such love disappear? He begged me never to leave him - he even wrote it on my blog.. I really, really don't undertsand.
To me, we had something so good it seems ridiculous to throw it away.
It feels like forever since I was with him. It seems like our relationship was just an amazing dream from which I'm now woken.
But then it also seems so fresh and real. I can imagine as if it were real, my lips on his belly and cocklet and his kiss. 7 years, and so much history between us, I was so proud of what I had, so grateful, and felt so lucky. I really did feel lucky.
The hard part is that I have had no explanation. Boy just went, and there has been no discussion, no talk, just closed doors, unanswered attempts by me to contact him, blank. He never discussed with me that he wasn't happy and what we could do to make things better, although he did threaten to leave me, which put me in a neervous position for months.
I have been tormenting myself with looking at photos, at reminiscing about sexual things we have done. It hurts, and all I want is to have it back. Not the way we were, but the way we WERE. For him to put me back where I belong, and to worship me. For him to come downstairs naked and kiss my feet under the table where I worked. I so loved him doing that.
In April this year, we were making videos and we were in a very good place. He said to me, if we are still this good at Christmas, I might consider another tattoo... If I could have a wish... I would wish us back to that place.
I know that the things I am doing now, boy would absolutely LOVE. The new venues and equipment. I have been blown away with it all! I even had a ticket to take him with me to an event, as a surprise. But he chose to give all this up, for something, I have no idea what - I have no idea how life gets any better than what we had.
Inside, my inner soul remains, Mistress Keyholder.
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