This week I watched a home video of myself with my daughter when she was young. I hardly recognised myself. I was so happy. I had wanted a child for so many years, that the joy of her presence was obvious. Motherhood completed a huge part of my life and still does.
It was as I got older that I realised I just had to try to complete the other yearning that I had in life - to find a man to share a chastity/orgasm controlled relationship with.
Over the years of my active searching, I have spoken to many hundreds of men and have met with a very few (4). I have had the pleasure of talking to and finding friends in a few very genuine chastity submissives. I have also wasted time and emotions talking to some of the worst examples of human beings I have ever come across, the absolute dreggs. And there have been the endless chastity wannabes and fantasists inbetween...
This year I fell in love. I really did lose my heart to a man. Not something I make a habit of. I have perhaps only done it once before in my life. The chemistry I felt with him was overwhelming. The emotional scars I carry from the ending of this relationship will be with me for a long time.
In summary, I have wasted so much time trying to fulfil my dream, and I have nothing at all to show for it. Nothing.
I have, no matter what disappointments I have endured, always maintained that somewhere in the world there is the man I dream of, and I have been committed to my search for him.
For now, I feel weary, and just can't search anymore. I have nothing left.
For now, I am going to revert back to the woman who cherished every second with her daughter and had a dream.... chasing the dream has brought me only sadness.
My chastity passion will never leave me. It is my nature. It is who I am.
But for now, the dream will return to being my fantasy. I will fantasise, and wonder, and make up stories in my mind, and imagine devices under trousers of men I pass in the street, and I will hope....
I am going to hope that if that man does exist in the world, that he finds me,
because I am no longer searching for him.
It was as I got older that I realised I just had to try to complete the other yearning that I had in life - to find a man to share a chastity/orgasm controlled relationship with.
Over the years of my active searching, I have spoken to many hundreds of men and have met with a very few (4). I have had the pleasure of talking to and finding friends in a few very genuine chastity submissives. I have also wasted time and emotions talking to some of the worst examples of human beings I have ever come across, the absolute dreggs. And there have been the endless chastity wannabes and fantasists inbetween...
This year I fell in love. I really did lose my heart to a man. Not something I make a habit of. I have perhaps only done it once before in my life. The chemistry I felt with him was overwhelming. The emotional scars I carry from the ending of this relationship will be with me for a long time.
In summary, I have wasted so much time trying to fulfil my dream, and I have nothing at all to show for it. Nothing.
I have, no matter what disappointments I have endured, always maintained that somewhere in the world there is the man I dream of, and I have been committed to my search for him.
For now, I feel weary, and just can't search anymore. I have nothing left.
For now, I am going to revert back to the woman who cherished every second with her daughter and had a dream.... chasing the dream has brought me only sadness.
My chastity passion will never leave me. It is my nature. It is who I am.
But for now, the dream will return to being my fantasy. I will fantasise, and wonder, and make up stories in my mind, and imagine devices under trousers of men I pass in the street, and I will hope....
I am going to hope that if that man does exist in the world, that he finds me,
because I am no longer searching for him.
Try to keep your spirits up Miss. Its a new year and a new opportunity.
ReplyDeleteSometimes you find what you want most when you're not looking for it.