Disappointment...

The disappointment of yet another failed attempt at a chastity relationship is almost unbearable.

Although I made an announcement about it initially, I chose not to detail the relationship here because it was inevitable that it would end, and reading about it when it was all over would have been too painful.

So, why do I chose to share that it has failed? Partly to try and ease the burden of the grief I am going through, and partly because it is part of my chastity journey. It will form part of my experience and become part of who I am.

It lasted a mere 9 weeks, but they were weeks of complete happiness, when I woke up each morning feeling satisfied and content and with purpose to my life and day. As regular readers of this blog will know, I am a mother, and being  a mother brings me all of those things. But I have an additional need in my life, and with my chastity sub gone, I feel like an empty shell of a person. My second purpose in life is gone. 

The grief and loss I feel is stifling. It isn't just the loss of the relationship; the closeness, intensity and love of the partnership, it is the loss of the chance to fullfil my dream. It is so incredibly rare to find a man who genuinely wants a long term chastity relationship, AND with whom I am compatible. To lose such a rare opportunity is gutting beyond words. A man who I could tell felt so good to have his cock locked, and my hands around it, holding him, owning him. It is a rare thing indeed.

Why then, did the relationship end? I have absolutely no idea. That is equally frustrating. 
I have talked to many men on this subject recently, vanilla men and men who understand fetish. It seems the consensus of opinion is that I am not going to find what I seek. Men tell me, men do not really want long term chastity. Perhaps they are right. It certainly seems so.
Out of the hundreds of men I have spoken to about chastity over the years, I know of only two, in the world, who I think could actually do long term chastity for me. One is very local to me, but over 50 years old, and I feel the age gap is too great, and one is 41 years old, but lives in Sweden.

And yet, despite this fact, and despite the disappointment I am currently encompassed by, I still hold onto the firm belief that one day I will find a man to share my fetish with. I really do believe it will happen for me one day.

When I am an old lady, in my bed, I hope I can look back on my life and think, yes, you were right.