To know the answer to this question is to fully get to grips with what I am all about. It's the nuts and bolts of who I am and how and why I got to be where I am...
My first chastity thoughts came when I was just 17 years old and I was living with my boyfriend. I didn't know what it was then. I didn't have the understanding that I have now. All I knew at that time was that I didn't want him to orgasm while not in my presence. Even through masturbation, I felt it was cheating. And so, verbally, I requested him not to, and we had an agreement that he didn't. For a time I believed he was being honest, but he later told me he wasn't.
This was in 1988. There was no widely used internet then. I had no outside influence on my thoughts. I had grown up in a small Yorkshire village where men were men and I had absolutely no idea about submissiveness, BDSM etc.
And so I spent my time obsessing. My thoughts progressed through controlling orgasms verbally, and then realising that men had shortcomings and were not trustworthy or reliable, and on to other things.
I dreamed up a circular table which was padded and had straps attached to it. It could be layed flat or tilted up vertically. And I dreamed of having a man strapped to it, with his hands unable to reach his cock. This was my first imagined chastity device. I dreamed of having a man strapped to it and keeping him there, long term. I dreamed of teasing his cock and denying him any form of relief. Then I imagined a table with a hole cut in it. It was for him to lay face down on it with his cock hanging down through the hole. Again, I spent hour upon hour dreaming of teasing, playing and torturing his poor, desperate, aching cock from underneath the table, out of his sight.
As time went on, I began to wonder if perhaps maybe, somewhere in the world, there was a man who might just let me do this to him. A man who wanted it. And I thought that surely, if there was me in the world who dreamed of doing it, there must be one single other person who wanted it, and I have hung onto this belief from being 17 - that there is one man somewhere in the world who wants this.
I used to think about one day putting an advert in the newspaper, and interviewing men, and perhaps finding the one I dreamed of. Out of my experience of tough Yorkshire men, was there such a man in the world?
The hours I have spent fantasising about all of this are unbelievable. It was and continues to be an everyday obsession.
Then, in about the mid 1990's, I got the internet. It was cutting edge stuff at that time, and I was lucky to be one of the first, through my work to be introduced to the www.
I got the internet at home, and thought of trying to pursue my interest online. I didn't even know what words to type in.. I tried different things and eventually came up with male chastity. There was very little about it, mainly Catholic sites at that time. But I found Tickleberry.com.. and the cb2000. I really couldn't believe that there were commercially produced chastity devices, and at first I thought they were 100% secure. I felt like I was walking on air for days. If there were commercially produced devices there must be men who wanted to wear them!
And so my eyes were gradually opened into a world of BDSM and dominance.
Then one day, quite by chance, I found a link to an advert placed by a local man looking for a chastity keyholder. I was so excited. I joined the site and began talking with him. Then, another truth sadly came to me.
Men like the idea of chastity... The IDEA!.. It is thrilling to talk about and imagine and do perhaps for a day...a week even, maybe, but the reality of chastity, of actually commiting to it is, I have found to my utter heartbreak, is not what men who claim to want, really want.
And so for many years, many, many years, I have researched devices, talked to men who have an interest in chastity, and I have had a very small bit of experience with chastity play.
But that man, who is willing to entrust his sexual self to me, is tantalisingly close, but not yet a reality for me.
So, in short answer to the question - nothing got me interested in chastity. It is part of who I am. It came out of my own thoughts and my own brain and was influenced initially, by nothing other than my own imagination.
It is my passion and my obsession. I never tire of it.
And one day, I do believe, I will live it.
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