His Hopelessness..

I want to share something with you...

I want to share the hopelessness of my new boy with you..

He has only had 2 orgasms this year, and he is, at times feeling the overpowering helplessness is scaring him, as indeed it would anyone.

But I want you to know, that despite his fear, how frightened and scared he is, I am, when faced with a real situation, absolutely true to my word.

When I said I have no mercy, when put to the test by a desperate boy, I really do have none..

I want you to know that his desperate state doesn't make me feel pity, it makes me feel strong, and that things are as they should be..

I want you to know that when he sends me photos of his cock bulging out of his metal device, it doesn't in the slightest make me want to release him from his misery, it makes me think how very right it is, how it is helping him, what a beneficial effect it will have on him in the short and long term..

But, ultimately, I want you to know that his hopelessness, the way it makes him need me and depend on me, his horniness, I want you to know that his state excites me and thrills me to the core...

This is what I live for.

I am Mistress Keyholder in her rightful place at long last...

and I want to share with you..

extracts from his report last night..

I want to share with you...

his hopelessness...

... "I was doing my jobs - ironing, cleaning and such like. I had plenty of time to think. It led to a very uncomfortable afternoon Mistress. Which has followed me into the evening. I am currently feeling very uncomfortable indeed.

It's that feeling of hopelessness.

The fear.

I'm really scared - honestly so. I have a queasy feeling in my tummy and tingles of frustration in your cock.

It's because of a combination of things.

I think the biggest is your cock. I have been thinking about it.

It is nearly a week since it was touched.

Not orgasm, just touched.

In fact, it hasn't even been able to get hard for that long. And the same before that.

Your cock is hardly ever allowed to be hard, or to be touched, much less orgasm.  ....

It genuinely is yours... it's not mine anymore. I can't control it's pleasure in any way. Either in terms of frequency or what happens to it.

It's like a sense of loss.... losing what I once so took for granted. Every day, every week it becomes more and more of a loss as it sinks in further just that I have completely lost control of it. That genuinely.... you want to and ARE going to make me suffer.

That this state of being locked up, these feelings of hopelessness that fill me, feelings of helplessness and frustration... of desperation... are not going to go away. That you will foster these feelings and make them my permanent state.

I'm not sure if you realise but you increased that massively yesterday by banning me from looking at porn without asking. I'm even cut off from seeing sex now, let alone touching myself or getting hard.

It feels like you have completely 100% disconnected me from everything sexual - that my only access whatsoever, even in terms of my imagination and fantasies, is through you. Through what you allow me.

You have completely cut me off from sex....

And in doing so you have made me more your slave. More dependant on you. More horny and certainly more desperate. Mistress I feel so very desperate right now. I feel horny and I feel very very dependant on you. I need you Mistress. I need you so very much.

My face is flushed.

My belly is quivering.

My heart is racing.

Your cock is throbbing.

On top of that, ....

....about financial domination.

Oh Mistress.

Yes. Please.

That increases my fear even more ...that we may come to a place where you have control over my finances, or the ability to demand from them. That you will demand of my time, make me your slave to earn money for you - working for you. Literally, slaving away. The thought that it excites you, the control you will achieve, makes it all the more enticing and all the more scary. You being excited by taking from me. Abusing me in this way..... consensual abuse though it is.... the thought that you are excited by tormenting me, making me suffer, just for your pleasure. It makes me worship you even more.

These thoughts make me feel so very very much your slave. More and more all the time. I feel we keep getting closer and closer and as we do, as I fall even more in love with you, you take a little more of me. You dominate me, expect more of me. Each time just increasing that weight in my tummy. Tying me to you. I cannot escape. You have bound me with ties of love, desire and submission. Stronger than any steel and you just keep wrapping more and more of these ties around me.

All of the above scares me Mistress. I feel absolutely hopeless. I want to get out, but I can't. Because I need it. Put it all together and it feels that you are gradually taking over my life. That eventually I will be completely defined by you. Your slave, to mould into exactly what you desire. And very truly, your slave. That's how it feels.

It is incredibly scary because I know you will hurt me, torment me and frustrate me - as you already are doing. I know you will make it worse. It's hard enough already. It really is hard. Especially for your poor cock who wants nothing more than a good wank right now!!!

I don't want any of this. I honestly don't.

But I do NEED it. I need it so badly Mistress. I need to be yours. You are fulfilling my need all the time, yet at the same time fanning the flames that burn me, increasing that need until all I can do is beg you for more.

That's why it's scary. Terrifying.

I am genuinely scared Mistress.

Of what you are making me, what I am turning into.

Of my suffering.

Of my complete lack of ability to touch.

I am so desperate to touch right now. SOOOOO desperate Mistress.

But my place is never to touch, not without you.

It is so very hard and I am so very frightened of it.

I know though Mistress, that you are doing me a kindness. I could easily beg you to let me out right now, but for the knowledge that you are doing me a kindness. I need to cling on to that thought as my fear overwhelms me.

Thank you Mistress, I love you.

Your terrified, adoring and loving boy. x"

And even if he did beg..

you know, don't you?...

Still,

Still, it would be relentless.