Ultimate Chastity Mistress

I don't just want a man who has a strong interest in chastity, I want a man who NEEDS chastity. 

I don't just want a man who enjoys chastity play, I want a man who needs the control of his cock taken away from him for life.

I don't just want a man who enjoys play with dominant women, I want a man who can't function in the real world without a strong woman controlling his sexual behaviour.

I don't want a man who says, when is my next orgasm? I want a man who says, please tell me what I can do for you?

I don't want a man who wanks over the idea of chastity, I want a man who can't wank because he is living in chastity.

I don't want a man who lives for me, I want a man who would die for me.

This is what I live for..

I am Mistress KeyHolder - Ultimate chastity Mistress.

Me in the World..

When I was 17 years old, before the internet, before I even knew what kink and BDSM meant, I believed I was pretty much the only person in the whole world who thought the things I did. I truly believed that I was on my own in thinking about locking men's cocks up and tying their hands behind their back. But I never felt that it was wrong or odd in any way for me to have these thoughts. I was completely at ease with them. They felt natural to me and to some extent they were comforting thoughts.

I began to dream of one day finding a man to share this way of life with. Even though I thought it was highly unlikely, I did believe that if there was me in the world who thought of locking up a mans cock, there had to be a man somewhere who wanted me to do this.

And my search began...

Along my journey, I have spoken to hundreds of men about chastity. Many hundreds. They have all, without exception, turned out to be either not to my requirements, or not genuine in their quest.

Not one single man has lived up to what I need.

I want to find a man who is as obsessed with chastity as I am.

I want him to need his cock to be locked up, to feel comforted by its being away from him, for him to be at peace with his Mistress KeyHolder and to be so very thankful to her for giving him this opportunity in life.

I hope he finds me soon... 

I yearn for my chastity boy.

Free Falling

I have an innate, natural compulsion for male chastity. 

This isn't just a whim for me. It's not a game I play about at. It is not something I would ever do for money. It is a lifelong, obsessive compulsion. It is something I crave. A biological need for a D/s lifestyle.

It is an offer of deep devotion, of building a connection based on absolute faith and trust.

The concept of long term chastity for a man is frightening. It is taking a leap into the unknown. It is like leaning forward over the edge of the highest cliff, and falling.......................

Handing over the key and making a commitment to a lifelong chastity relationship is breathtakingly scary. Yet the thrill of free-falling is overwhelmingly exciting. The helplessness of placing your trust in another, and surrendering all control is mind-blowingly exhilerating.

The constant sexual ache and need takes your sexual experience to another level of pleasure; the submissiveness brought about by such lack of control and dire need will lead you to experience a level of subspace unachievable by any other means.

Handing over your chastity key is, without doubt, life changing in many ways. It will change you as a person, for the better.

It is something I want to share with just one man.

It is an amazing gift.

In my 25 year search, I have led many men to the edge of the cliff, only for them to look over the edge and say..no - it is not for me. Two men have actually taken a dummy run at the free fall, only to pull the emergency rip cord and say, no, at this time, I am not able...

Perhaps they weren't ready, for whatever reason, to take that leap of faith into finding the new "them". They will not realise it immediately, maybe it will take them years, a decade, to look back and think, I missed an opportunity of a lifetime there.

I am unique. Try finding another woman who is as genuinely committed to sharing a male chastity relationship as me. There isn't anyone. This is my life.

I want someone to leap from the cliff for me, and I want to provide them with wings to fly, to experience the utter exhileration of giving away their sexual freedom to be controlled by me. To never know when, how, if...

I am approaching 42 years of age. Sand is running through the timer. 

And my biological inner self is saying to me, don't leave this world without giving your gift to just one man.

I have to find him...I wont give in.

FAQ - Long term chastity and sex

It is often assumed that because I am interested in long term chastity, I must not enjoy sex. Wrong. 

I love sex, or rather I love loving.

For me, long term chastity is not at all about abstinence, it is about control. It is about having an orgasm only when you are allowed, about never knowing when your next one will happen.

It is about behaviour managemant - being moulded into a better person and being manipulated through orgasm denial.

Incidentally, sexual pleasure and loving can be provided using a strap-on while still in chastity... bear that in mind!

Long term chastity does not equate in any way to denial of sexual pleasure for me.

I am me...

I am Mistress KeyHolder...

I am too much for most men...

I am extreme, but loving...

I am strict, but kind...

I am devoutly into hardcore chastity...

I am into breaking strong men...

Successful, confident men who are sure of themselves in everyday respects...

I want to take just one such man, and break him, and make him mine, and have him chastised, collared and knelt at my feet... waiting on my every word...

I am Mistress Holder, I can't help who I am...

Inside me, my entire being, my soul, my true self...

I am Mistress KeyHolder.

Disappointment...

The disappointment of yet another failed attempt at a chastity relationship is almost unbearable.

Although I made an announcement about it initially, I chose not to detail the relationship here because it was inevitable that it would end, and reading about it when it was all over would have been too painful.

So, why do I chose to share that it has failed? Partly to try and ease the burden of the grief I am going through, and partly because it is part of my chastity journey. It will form part of my experience and become part of who I am.

It lasted a mere 9 weeks, but they were weeks of complete happiness, when I woke up each morning feeling satisfied and content and with purpose to my life and day. As regular readers of this blog will know, I am a mother, and being  a mother brings me all of those things. But I have an additional need in my life, and with my chastity sub gone, I feel like an empty shell of a person. My second purpose in life is gone. 

The grief and loss I feel is stifling. It isn't just the loss of the relationship; the closeness, intensity and love of the partnership, it is the loss of the chance to fullfil my dream. It is so incredibly rare to find a man who genuinely wants a long term chastity relationship, AND with whom I am compatible. To lose such a rare opportunity is gutting beyond words. A man who I could tell felt so good to have his cock locked, and my hands around it, holding him, owning him. It is a rare thing indeed.

Why then, did the relationship end? I have absolutely no idea. That is equally frustrating. 
I have talked to many men on this subject recently, vanilla men and men who understand fetish. It seems the consensus of opinion is that I am not going to find what I seek. Men tell me, men do not really want long term chastity. Perhaps they are right. It certainly seems so.
Out of the hundreds of men I have spoken to about chastity over the years, I know of only two, in the world, who I think could actually do long term chastity for me. One is very local to me, but over 50 years old, and I feel the age gap is too great, and one is 41 years old, but lives in Sweden.

And yet, despite this fact, and despite the disappointment I am currently encompassed by, I still hold onto the firm belief that one day I will find a man to share my fetish with. I really do believe it will happen for me one day.

When I am an old lady, in my bed, I hope I can look back on my life and think, yes, you were right.

Fetish or Obsession...?

Fetish - A sexual attraction to a situation....which is not conventionally viewed as being sexual in nature. Yes, I guess you could say that my pre-occupation was a fetish. It is also an obsession, in that I think about it and dwell on it at the expense of other normal trains of thought.

But for me, my chastity passion is something more than just a fetish or an obsession.

Although I find anything to do with male chastity sexually arousing, it is also something beyond a kink - it goes beyond sexual desire.

As I explained in my previous blog post, it is part of who I am. It was there before I even understood it or recognised it. It is there when I am not consciously aware of it.. (I dream chastity dreams, and imagine chastity based scenarios without being aware of the thought until it has occured to me...)

My explanation, my feeling about it, is that it is a biological need. It's not a life essential like food or water, but it is an intense craving and need that is just there, whether I like it or not.

I can only liken it to my need to be a mother before having a child. I craved motherhood. I knew that I was infact a mother, just that I was without a child for many years. When I saw children, I craved to mother them - I know I am a chastity Mistress, even though I have no sub. It is kind of an instinct.

When I did eventually have a child, the first day I came home from hospital I stood at my back door and looked out at the world, and I felt complete and utter happiness. The whole world could have caved in, and I would have been happy. Contentment beyond belief, and that has remained with me for 7 years...

I know that when I get my chastity sub, I will experience those same feelings of complete happiness.

A sense that everything is right with the world.

FAQ - What got you interested in chastity?

To know the answer to this question is to fully get to grips with what I am all about. It's the nuts and bolts of who I am and how and why I got to be where I am...


My first chastity thoughts came when I was just 17 years old and I was living with my boyfriend. I didn't know what it was then. I didn't have the understanding that I have now. All I knew at that time was that I didn't want him to orgasm while not in my presence. Even through masturbation, I felt it was cheating. And so, verbally, I requested him not to, and we had an agreement that he didn't. For a time I believed he was being honest, but he later told me he wasn't.


This was in 1988. There was no widely used internet then. I had no outside influence on my thoughts. I had grown up in a small Yorkshire village where men were men and I had absolutely no idea about submissiveness, BDSM etc.
And so I spent my time obsessing. My thoughts progressed through controlling orgasms verbally, and then realising that men had shortcomings and were not trustworthy or reliable, and on to other things.


I dreamed up a circular table which was padded and had straps attached to it. It could be layed flat or tilted up vertically. And I dreamed of having a man strapped to it, with his hands unable to reach his cock. This was my first imagined chastity device. I dreamed of having a man strapped to it and keeping him there, long term. I dreamed of teasing his cock and denying him any form of relief. Then I imagined a table with a hole cut in it. It was for him to lay face down on it with his cock hanging down through the hole. Again, I spent hour upon hour dreaming of teasing, playing and torturing his poor, desperate, aching cock from underneath the table, out of his sight.


As time went on, I began to wonder if perhaps maybe, somewhere in the world, there was a man who might just let me do this to him. A man who wanted it. And I thought that surely, if there was me in the world who dreamed of doing it, there must be one single other person who wanted it, and I have hung onto this belief from being 17 - that there is one man somewhere in the world who wants this.

I used to think about one day putting an advert in the newspaper, and interviewing men, and perhaps finding the one I dreamed of. Out of my experience of tough Yorkshire men, was there such a man in the world?


The hours I have spent fantasising about all of this are unbelievable. It was and continues to be an everyday obsession.


Then, in about the mid 1990's, I got the internet. It was cutting edge stuff at that time, and I was lucky to be one of the first, through my work to be introduced to the www.


I got the internet at home, and thought of trying to pursue my interest online. I didn't even know what words to type in.. I tried different things and eventually came up with male chastity. There was very little about it, mainly Catholic sites at that time. But I found Tickleberry.com.. and the cb2000. I really couldn't believe that there were commercially produced chastity devices, and at first I thought they were 100% secure. I felt like I was walking on air for days. If there were commercially produced devices there must be men who wanted to wear them!


And so my eyes were gradually opened into a world of BDSM and dominance.


Then one day, quite by chance, I found a link to an advert placed by a local man looking for a chastity keyholder. I was so excited. I joined the site and began talking with him. Then, another truth sadly came to me.


Men like the idea of chastity... The IDEA!.. It is thrilling to talk about and imagine and do perhaps for a day...a week even, maybe, but the reality of chastity, of actually commiting to it is, I have found to my utter heartbreak, is not what men who claim to want, really want.


And so for many years, many, many years, I have researched devices, talked to men who have an interest in chastity, and I have had a very small bit of experience with chastity play. 


But that man, who is willing to entrust his sexual self to me, is tantalisingly close, but not yet a reality for me.


So, in short answer to the question - nothing got me interested in chastity. It is part of who I am. It came out of my own thoughts and my own brain and was influenced initially, by nothing other than my own imagination.


It is my passion and my obsession. I never tire of it.


And one day, I do believe, I will live it.

Just One Chastity Sub...

Just one chastity sub...
A man, not a boy. This does not refer to age, rather to mindset. To do what I am asking requires great strength - of mind and character and spirit. It is not going to be achieved by a boy. I need strong man.


Devotion. He will do anything in his power for me, anything at all, without question, without concern, with complete trust that whatever I am asking of him is for a reason, and that reason is sufficient to make him committed to carrying it out. He is there when I want him, without question. He sits and waits in case I might just need him. His whole life revolves around me, being there for me, being ready for whatever I ask.


Worship & Servitude. He worships me as a Goddess, even though I don't make use of that title. He relishes any physical contact with me, whatever it may be; my feet on his face, my toes in his mouth, sexual acts, my hands over his face.. He is there to service me as I request and require. He is a slave to me.


Commitment. He is there for as long as I want him. He is faithful and there for the duration, however long that may be.


Chastity. He remains chastised by me, as I chose. Whether with a device or on trust, he is controlled by me. He enjoys this and wouldn't want it any other way.


This is the man I have dreamed of and fantasised about all my adult life, from being 17 years old.
I have searched for him and continue to search. I believe that one day I will find him. Despite moments of despair, when my hopes have been raised and dashed, I do believe I will find him.
This blog is testament to my yearning for him. It is so that he knows, when I find him, how very much he was wanted.
And, when I find him, I will cherish and treasure him for all I am worth. I will love him with all my heart.


Just one chastity sub...


I have waited 23 years for him.


I continue to wait.

Just a male chastity obsessed housewife...

I'm just a normal mum, who walks down the village and does the housework, but I have a passion that's on my mind pretty much constantly. It's been on my mind for over 23 years.

I dream of having a chastised man under my control. I dream of controlling his sexual pleasure and frustration, making him beg and plead and, over time, breaking his will.

Welcome to my world.